The Breakup Chronicles

SOMEBODY HOPEFULLY HAS AN ANSWER.

rtollefson — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 22:58:33 GMT

Where to start. I started dating this girl in 02. We dated til 04 in which we had a child. Now please be easy on this next part. Two months after our daughter was born, I pretty much stepped out. I was so ashamed and couldn't look her in the face. All she wanted to do was stay together. I kept getting dumber and dumber, saying things people should not say to anyone. All the while, I was torn between wanting her to be with me and just wanting her to get away so I wouldn't screw up her life or my new baby's. Needless to say I was a jackass. She moved away and I dated for about six months after she moved away. The relationship I was in was meaningless. I found myself seriously wanting a second chance. (well actually, if you add up all the times I was stupid it was more like a 4th or 5th shot). I finally got it two years ago. We were together and everything was alright. I expected some stuff to be rough. We lived together until may and then we moved to different places. She said she wanted some space and we would work things out and see how it goes. Its now sep and i lost. She started dating, only a few days ago, something like ten days or so. I haven't eatin, I can't sleep, cant focus, no strength and many other issues. I started the relationship the second time with the mindset of marriage. However she stated she couldnt get over the past and now I'm in the shitter. Is it wrong for me to want her back or expect her to come back? I don't know what to do. By the way, the second time we were together none of the issues from the first time around occured, no cheating, lieing or any other crap. Someone please help me out.

i feel so empty..

AnaCherry — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:45:01 GMT

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. I'm so confused and i feel so empty its been a week since the break up and sometimes i feel relieved and their times i feel an uncontrollable pain.

the thing is, my boyfriend and i feel for each other Ina blink of an eye..seriously we met each other at my older brothers birthday and we instantly hit it off... he was everything i had ever wanted. he was sweet ,funny, polite, go getter, handsome, a beautiful person all around. sure we had our differences and fought like any couple but at the end of the day if one needed the other we were always there.we spent almost everyday with each other we were inseparable we saw each other as best friends before anything. he would even spend the night at my house. i gave up alot of things for him even one of my most prized possession's, if u know what i mean. I can say he was my first real relationship. my whole family new him and everyone loved him. i got along with his family very well and they all liked me.

Mr Ex. would tell his mom that he thought i was the one and that he wanted to marry me blah blah blah. his mom totally agreed but than the most unbelievable thing happened. on a Sunday morning he decided to go to church and left me behind because i had a stomach ache. granted that the night before we got into a huge fight but we both apologized to each other.but anyways when he got back from church he called me and said he was going to a christian festival in the angels stadium.

i was shocked that he was gonna leave without me since we hardly ever did that and i was feeling sick. So i decided to be a trooper and go to Venice beach with my friends. we were txtn each other but it was small talk.

when he got home he text me but since i didn't get service i didn't till i got home. i told him how much fun i had and that i loved it there. he seemed abit upset and didn't text me back

Monday morning he text me and said he needed to talk to me he seemed cold and i immediately got that vibe..he was gonna break it off.

after he got outta work he came to my house and asked me about my day. i told him and he told me about his day. Then he said well I'm not the same anymore my life completely changed and i wanna live my life to please the lord. i was like okay???

so he said it be best if we were friends until he fully understood the word of god and i don't know what else i was shocked and amazed i told him to get out of my house but then i called him back so he didn't end up leaving i felt so low but i huged him And i told him not to do this but he kept rambling about god and Christianity.I'm catholic but i started going to church with him bcuz its something he wanted to do. anyways he changed his mind that day and said i would just have to get used to it he didn't want to break up with me cause he loved me and would miss me but supposedly god told him he couldn't b with me. but like i said he changed his mind the next day we were cool even when he got off of work but than he went to church again and bam once again he said god didn't want him to be with me even though he loved me he couldn't. i was mad and upset i cursed him off and i told him i hated him. i felt bad so i apologized but it wasn't fair. so he decided to text me on a Friday and asked me about my day i told him that i got asked out by a guy i met and he told me that it

hurt him to hear that and he wished i would hold on & wait that same day he changed his mind and said he loved me & he couldn't b without me so to give it till Sunday to know what we wanted to do.i agreed and told him not to get influenced by anyone else but by his own will if he really loved me he would know the answer and i asked him not to toy with my emotions because there weak right now. i told him i didn't want him to change his mind every other day or give me false hope.he agreed and we were fine. On a Saturday afternoon i told him if he could pick me up from my friends baby shower because my mum had the car. he didn't answer. finally he text back 2 hours later and said he was playing football with the pastor from his church.

Once again the biggest bam he said I'm playing
football with pastor blah but hey I'm sorry i cant be with you your so beautiful but i have to follow gods path and all this other crap i was soo mad hurt and angry. i told him my ex boyfriend had called me(this was totally true) he told me he missed me and wanted me back he apologized and since your to brain washed to see anything beyond god ima go out With him he told me not to do it but i was hurt i took all his stuff and left it on his doorstep. i went to Venice again last night and i went with my ex boyfriend i felt strange i wasnt ready to go out with anyone but i felt so lonely and all i wanted to do is be with my ex.

i felt so empty,sad,than extremely excited,than angry i even felt nauseous...Ive never had that feeling before he was such a great guy and we got along so well it was like a shot through the heart.I text him that night and apologized i just told him to understand i felt betrayed i had never ever been hurt that way and it was the strongest pain i ever had. i held back but all i wanted to do was cry. he just said that no one will love me as much as god. he also said he would never forget me and would love me forever. the reason he couldn't come see me was because he knew he would back down from his word and would just be with me. i feel soooo lost i don't know what to do I'm an emotional wreck. i need hep but above it all i just want him back.

When your Ex and Friends Become Tangled

Kat — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:30:59 GMT

Mr Ex and I dated for 2 years. He dumped me over a text message nearly 2 months ago. He would not even talk to me about why, or anything. (for my story - http://lisasteadman.com/blog/2008/08/22/my-first-big-breakup/) So, as I am trying my very best to move on and push my life forward the only thing that continues to hold me back, are my friends who insist on being friends with him, and not leaving me alone. It has become very divided. Originally there was 6 of us girls who enjoyed to hang out together during the week and on weekends. Now that Mr Ex and I are over, 3 of those girls are still hanging out with him, while the other 2 are 200% loyal to me, and never want to see him again. So I am stuck in a bad situation that I dont know how to handle anymore. I have tried telling these 3 disloyal friends that I just need my space and time and I am just doing my own thing at this time and will come around when Im ready. At first they would not stand for it making a point to call me, cause drama, start fights where have you been if you cared about us then you would call us, you are so selfish!! Now they have given up on that and are picking on the other 2 girls. Trying to sway them away from me. Sharing stories of Mr Ex when then get relayed to me which just slows down my progress!!

I dont know what to do! The other 2 girls have done SO MUCH for me and are an essential part of my BooHoo and WooHoo crew. But I cant handle hearing about Mr Ex!!! I dont want to ditch my 2 good friends, but it seems to be turning into some sort of bitchy war. Im just trying to get over my ex but the other 3 cant see that. I am 20 years old and its gone back to high school petty bitchy-ness!!!! Its starting to drive me MENTAL! I want to do the 60 days no contact (Including the cyper stalking - i tend to check the private facebook and myspace to look for the photo update or the heading line - "Mr Ex only has one sober day to go!!!") I cant make 60 days of nothing with so many stories of him in my ears!

Please any words of advice or ANYTHING?!?!?!

I NEED HIM OUT OF MY LIFE!!! COMPLETELY!!

relationship is not lasting

vanilicious — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:21:22 GMT

hey,my name is vani,i'm 18 years and he's 22. I have problems with my boyfriend.He's really a sweet person but i can't handle his immatureness...he's my first boyfriend.We've been going around for 3 years and 3 months, but lately we've been argueing about everything and then we cry bout it.He's a really cool and kind hearted person.My problem is that i dont want him to go anywhere and lime because he'll drink and i'm afraid something well happen to him....he's a sick person(i think soo)and i really care bout him..We wanna get married next year but we keep on argueing bout it....he only studying to lime by this bar where we both live, i want things to go good with our relationship, my family hardly likes him, especially my mum they both hate each other but his family are really cool especailly him mum, she really likes me but my problem is i dont want him to lime because when he goes out with his bro and friends they lime till morning and he drinks with them...i really need help to solve my relationship..........i really care about this person......to be honest i have really horrible temper and when i argue with him he cries because i no that i'm hurting him...but he doesnt understand me when i'm talking to him...(This is kinda personal)we wanna get married by the middle of next year but i keep telling him to save his money, we need a house or i need a place to stay in...i also tell him we dont have a vechicle and he's 22 and dont have his liscense... he got angry with me nd told me to go and get a man with a car and who have a house ...he made me cry...but i didnt let it bothered me....i think he's immature and he needs serious help..i care alot for this idiot

Thank you,
Vani

ex-girlfriend confusion

JG — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:30:05 GMT

Hey all, ive been reading so many sites and books about break-ups and as always nothing for us males out there, so checking out the insights from the female perspective is in a way helping me, but as always im swaying back and forth like a yo-yo worrying and stressing as my ex is playing the most hideous mindgames with me, yet im feeling so much love for her when all i should do is move on and learn from all these mistakes.

My girlfriend left me 5-6 weeks ago and since this point there hasnt really been any closure on the situation. The break-up was sudden and she blamed unhappiness and the fact she didnt love me enough as to why she was leaving. I was a barman in a stripclub and my girlfriend was a stripper who worked there, i found this hard but accepted it eventhough it pained me to see her do this job infront of my very eyes. Since we broke, ive had to leave my job as she wasnt willing to do this, ive had to leave our home as i cant deal with the memories, yet im still paying rent and yet im out of work cause of this situation. Ive been not very well and incredibly depressed as im very much in love with her.

For the first 3 weeks she was very stern staying there was no way back, she needed to move on with her life and that she didnt love me enough. I found this hard and my life was being turned upside down. I then didnt contact her for 5 days and she then said she was finding it hard and she wanted to see me, i then started to see her for about a week and half, she would cuddle me, she would say she loved me and missed me but hated saying it as she didnt want to get my hopes up. We did sleep together and she even said one day she was confused and needed time, the day after she calls to say come over and she will cook for me, did i fancy poppin round? So my hopes were obviously up in the air and i thought it was a slow way to getting back. Then this week she has been stern and hardcore again stating it was a bad thing seeing me and it wont ever happen again, its over and thats it. I dont understand as she stated she loved me, she says and admits she misses me, im emotionally wrecked through all of this and yet she is carrying on and im under big amounts of stress with now no job and financial pressure.

She says that i know nothing and she isnt happy and feels bad for hurting me and it was never her intention. She states that she knows shes done the right thing but is explaining her reasons all the time. How can someone who is confused and not sure one week then totally sure 48hrs later, it doesnt make sense.

I dont know what to do and she isnt being fair as ive lost everything at the moment, yet today she txts to say ill be ok and to keep my chin up. This to me is patronising. Advice on how to handle this would be ideal, this is a broken odwn version of events, if u need more detail im willing to let you know. I think this gives u a rough enough idea

Broken Promises

MGenie — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 16:29:30 GMT

I ended a 17 year relationship today with the man that I love the very most in my life. We have dated for 17 years and had a lot of fun. We traveled all over the US and rode motorcycles together every summer. We got along great, had a great relationship and were the best of friends. The problem? I want to be married to him and he hates to "ruin a good thing". I have been wanting to marry this man for about 15 years of this relationship but until I reached my fifties I did not get real insistent. We have broken up so many times over this subject that I cannot count and I have literally wore out all my girlfriends with my tears. John and I would always get lonely for one another, agree to put things back together and get married. We would work hard on the relationship and when I would say okay now let's sit a marriage date, he would back out - we would break up and well you get the idea.

I want to be strong this time and break the cycle of returning to this dead end relationship. I have got to accept the fact that this man is not marriage material and move on in my life. I need help! All my girlfriends yawn when I say we broke up and they say "again?" knowing that we will be back together again soon. So I don't have the advantage of a woo hoo support group.

Any words of advice/encouragement would be helpful.

if it was wrong why is it so hard?

journogirl — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:01:51 GMT

Hi there

Have just split up with a guy i was with for 2 and a half years-at times it was an incredibly loving relationship and i was happy alot of the time

i am finding it hard to let go of this relationship even though he did (over the course of our 2 and a half years) say and do hurtful things-they hurt me at the time but i buried them deep inside and accepted that he was just being honest with me and i made his good points eclipse all of these-i will outline some examples below-would be great to hear feedback

i am struggling to get over him and have been struggling since he broke up with me last week-have been so upset and miserable and just miss him- i was a wreck when he left and felt like my world was crumbling (even tho deep down i knew it was for the best)

MY BACKGROUND-when i was 16 my father left my family (while my mum had cancer-he had an affair with his secretary and left my mum whilst she was critically ill- i was left to care for her-he didnt get in touch for months-[presumably not knowing or caring whether she lived or died)

have always struggled with this abandonment and feel it impacts alot of my behaviour in day to day life-i can be clingey and need constant reassurance and love as im so scared others may leave me.my EX knew this but i feel that he still wouldnt give me that love and affection and he couldnt.

i have started seeing a therapist about these issues in my past and my EX was great and so supportive with all of this he was so caring and understanding altho i think my past issues started to get to him as i have struggled with counselling (see i am blaming myself for the break up!)

anyway when we first got together my ex said i was the "biggest" of all his girlfriends he has has (i am UK size 12 which is US size 8) so i am slim-i am also tall so am not big at all
-he said he was being honest and thought there was "room for improvement" and could do with toning up
-he would buy me exercise equipment encouraging me to tone up and said i should exercise more etc
-i found thsi upsetting as he didnt love me for ME and wanted me slimmer-when im not even big

-this issue cropped up alot over our relationship even tho he knew that in the past i used to take laxatives he still wanted me to become slimmer and tone up

-after getting meningitis and coming out of hospital i found a text on his phone from a friend saying "How is the girlfriend has she lost any weight yet" this devastated me but i stayed with him-i made myself believe he was just being honest

this continued on and off throughout our romance-i felt fat after this and would cut labels out my clothes and didnt like him seeing me naked

-he also said he liked me more with all my makeup on and would i mind not removing it before bed (when we would fool around) as he was most attracted to me when i was looking my best etc

-he would also say he liked my hair straight and not curly even when we were out and there was nothing i could do

-my self esteem went down hill and i have started to have little obssessive compulsions now with always checking my appearence an odd amount of times-has he done this to me??

-he was a selfish man and would often put himself first
-E.G he upset me when i asked if he would go to see my very old grandparents with me (who i LOVE SO MUCH) and he said he wouldnt as it "wasnt his idea of fun"

his sport and work and friends would often come first and if i demanded more attention he would make me feel needy and say that he refused to give me "constant reassurance"

-this led to rows and tensions
i did SO much for him-constantly showering him with love and buying him holidays away and showing him i loved and cared for him everyday by little gestures

-he hardly (if at all) did this for me -he said he wasnt like that

anyway after a break where he said he knew he had become lazy coz he knew i would do everything and plan stuff and love him etc so he took me for granted..he said he thought i was pretty good boyfriend material so thought id always be there

we broke up last week he said that i was an amazing girl but he couldnt give me the love and adoration i clearly need-he said he wished he could do for me what i did for him but he couldnt and he couldnt manipulate his feelings-he said he hopes i find someone who can give all that to me and hes sorry it cant be him-he wishes it could be

he said the attraction had diminished and he knew he had to finish it

im beside myself i am in so much ain but WHY??? when i KNOW he was wrong for me and my self esteem

please help
sorry so long
xxx

When will it stop hurting

charlieangle — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:04:09 GMT

I found out last monday that my whole two year relationship was a lie. FOr two years I have been on a rollercoster with someone who was either overally available or painfully distant. when i question him and asked if there was another girl i got laughed at, called crazy or reassured. Even though I saw evidence of another girl he always explained it away and i believed it. anytime i question it he gave me more reassurance and talked aobut the future when we would marry. he invited me into his family and made me apart of them. last week i know it was god's work but it still is hard to swallow he accidently recalled me after talking to me and i heard his conversation with another girl and heard him call her by my pet name. it was a different girl from the one i thought he was seeing int he begining so god only knows how many girls there has been. i completely lost it and called him and text him all night and he continued to tell me to leave him alone and he had nothing to say. how degrading. he wrote me saying he screwed up the best thing in his life, hoped we could get back together one day and i could forgive him...all lies. now i'm left with pain i have never felt before. every day is a struggle. how to i go on. i keep thinking of everything he said and realize it was a lie and its new hurt. every hug and kiss a lie. now i have to go to the gyno to be tested for everything...how embarrassing how degrading. i feel like i have been violated.

explain this.....and how do I make it stop?

curious1 — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:21:05 GMT

OK, this might sound odd, but I don't know who else to ask about it, and how to change it. I thought that I was doing pretty well with moving on, but for the last few weeks I've had trouble with thoughts of my ex coming back to me when I perform a certain task at my job. I don't know why it is that this particular task makes me think of him, but it happens almost every time. My ex had nothing to do with my job so there should not be any connection there. Also, this task is something I have to do as part of my job, there is no way to get around it. So what can I do to stop these thoughts? I even considered wearing a rubber band around my wrists and snapping it when those thoughts came up, kind of like they do (or used to do) for when people stopped smoking. not sure if that would work or not.

Perfect for every girl..

TaylorTot — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:35:03 GMT

www.zazzle.com/taylortot64

Please help me get started!
I know you guys are the best supporters!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

First Love Lost

chrewchrew7 — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:54:15 GMT

I fell in love for the first time about two years ago. He was my first boyfriend. He was my first for everything and I was his. The whole time we went out everyone said I could do better. I knew I could do better but he had my heart and I didn't want anyone else. Many boys tried to steal me away from him but I always stayed by his side. He was the only one for me. I fell in love hard I had never been closer or more in love with anyone my whole life. As time when on our perfect love had developed a few "issues". He was jealous about the boys who persued me, even though everyday I let him know how much he ment to me and how no one could come between my feelings for him. I was as honest, loyal, caring and open as possible. But before long it wasn't enough for him and after 9 amazing months he broke up with me because of his insecurity. It was the worst time of my life. I cried for 3 months straight. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. Then he started talking to someone else. The pain of him not loving me hurt more than anything he could have ever said. After a little more than a month, him and this girl quit talking and he moved all his attention back to me. After all the pain I had gone through and all the time it took for me to get over the relationship I took him back. Of course I couldn't trust him again for a long time but eventually I did and we spent 7 more months together. We were just as close and even more perfect. Then he suddenly left me to talk to this girl again. It was only a week and he came right back to me. I feel so betrayed. I cant trust him now. How could he do this to me after everything ive done for him. I feel so confused and lost. I sat him down and told him I can't be with someone who treats me like that. Everyday is a struggle. I'm still so in love. I haven't had feelings for anyone since the day I met him. We got along so well and we had so much love for each other. I'm so devistated. I lost my best friend. I lost the love of my life.
How do I move on?

WHY CANT I CRY?

chickita — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 06:55:35 GMT

I Broke up with my boyfriend of 3years last month. i did not dump him i think he did we just ignored each other no formal dumping whatsoever.
i am really crushed and hurt and i want to cry but for some reason i cant.

whenever i think about him something in me just says stop and i do but i wanna grieve i wanna feel the pain then move on. i know he is not coming back and have accepted that but what i dont understand is how can i just be over it just like that? i loved him but i did not expect not to feel anything when we break up

ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED

TaylorTot — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:22:09 GMT

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I'm confused

curious1 — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:26:14 GMT

I'm a little confused about my feelings concerning dating again. I don't have a problem with going on a date with someone, but I'm concerned about turning it into a relationship. I am not in that position yet, but I have noticed that when I start chatting with someone, if they start talking about meeting, I start backing off. I would like to have a real relationship again but I'm afraid to let myself get close to someone again for fear of getting hurt. I've been talking to someone and we have a lot in common as far as our children and some of our likes and dislikes. He would like to meet in person, and I kind of would like to also, but I'm dragging my feet because I do'nt want to let myself fall for him and get hurt again. How do I get over these feelings?

FINALLY BROKEN DOWN

CHRISYH2O — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:36:32 GMT

Its been for long year I'm only 19 but I started dating at fifteen and at such a young age my heart has already been crushed to the point that i just want to be alone. I cant take anymore. I just broke up with my boyfriend who is twice my age i've always dated men at least ten years older if not more. Next month would of made a year we've been together. He treated my really bad the only thing he didnt do was cheat other than that he cursed me when ever he felt he wouldnt take me anywhere and he never brought me anything not even on my birthday just once on Christmas. Through out this year i cheated more that twice but not with anyone i cared for sometimes i just need someone to whisper sweet nothings to me. The last time i cheated was three days ago and thats what finally broke me down.I met this new guy and i started to like him I really enjoyed his company he made me feel like a woman and when i was with him the pain went away.But i found out he is married and his wife is in the navy away on an assignment. So that was it for me its strange i didnt cry i just really felt like i had to get away and save myself before there is nothing left of mind ,body and soul.Another man added to my list of sexual encounters i just want to hide from the world for awhile to get my thoughts together. I've had a total of five men including my missing father leave marks on my life that i could never forget so i'm just looking for a better way to deal with it. From the age of 15 one heart break after another dealing with abuse at home and from these 5 men i've had more sexaul partners then i can count on my hands many of them were get aways just for one night.I'm tired now my mind feels like it just wants to rest and finally get a goodnight sleep. I guess what i'm asking for is any words of encourgement cause i'm finally alone with myself.