Message Board

trying

katiesmom — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 02:43:28 GMT

today i feel a little bit better... i have been doing endless soul searching and reading of the cold noses book and last night prayed for some peace and for the first time in months, even years maybe, i slept until after 11 am! I could not seem to wake up, i think i just needed the rest after this week of endless crying and emotional pain. i miss my katie love dearly and i expect to see her everywhere around the house. My sweet Abbie cat is still looking for her sister and I feel for her. I wonder if she understands. I hope she doesn't think that mom got rid of her. I wish i could explain to her, but all i can really do is give her extra love and affection....
what i am dealing with now, is that image. the image if seeing her in the street. she was long gone, and I am thankful that i did not stumble upon her suffering. i knew it was her as i approached from across that busy street and she just looked like she was sleeping. I try to get that out of my head and it wont go away. It's like I make myself recall it to remind myself that she is really gone.
i miss you Katie xo

my loss

katiesmom — Thur, 04 Sep 2008 16:06:12 GMT

Katie was amazing. Smart, sweet, absolutely beautiful. She was wild at heart but when she wanted love she really let you give it to her. She loved to be outside and demanded it everyday. I always worried that something bad could happen and finally after 2 years of living in our new home, she was hit by a car and killed.
I found my sweet girl dead in the street on Tuesday morning. This is the most horrible experience of my life and I don't know how to begin to get through this. I know I have to rely on time and acceptance to take over but the waiting is so hard.
I just got the book Cold Noses yesterday evening. I haven't been able to read very far yet since my grief does not allow for much non crying time but I am really hoping for some comfort soon. I have unclear views of my own on faith and religion and I know this is an important factor in this book so I hope it still works for me.
At this time I just want to say that although I am sorry for all of your losses it feels good to see that other people are going through the same pain that I am. I am worried that I will hurt over her forever and my life will never be the same again.
Three weeks before Katie was killed I brought home a 5 month old kitten who I named Presley as an additional member of the family for Katie and my other cat Abigail who is an indoor kitty. Now that a few days have gone by without Katies return, I have to watch as Abigail looks for her sister and seems depressed and confused. The kitten seems fine, I don't think he remembers her since they were only together for a few weeks and Katie spent her days outside while the others were inside. Knowing that Abigail is hurting is just as upsetting and I know I just have to let her go through it.
I wish I had scooped Katie up earlier that afternoon when I saw her in my yard and brought her in. I had come to trust her and it was early so I let her stay out. Now she is gone and I feel so empty inside and am just sick with grief.
Katie, I am so sorry this happened to you. I love you my sweet girl and will think of you everyday. You are missed by every person who knew you. Your sister misses you too and maybe you can send some kitty comfort to her from beyond. I hope you are having fun, wherever you are and you have toys to chase and trees to climb. I will love you forever.

Pain, Grief, and Guilt

danielk — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:34:23 GMT

I lost my dear friend Ruby yesterday. I feel so much sadness and guilt because she drowned in my swimming pool (a place she loved to be). I had my back turned for just a few minutes when it happened. She was a gift to me and has been my source of love and inspiration for the past 12 years. I have a newborn daughter and wife that needs me but it is difficult to do anything but cry and think of my dog. I hope this pain goes away quickly, but I know it will not. The bond between Ruby and I was so strong - I can't believe that just like that, it is now over. It was so difficult to bury her in the back yard - it all just happened so fast and now my life feels so empty.

This morning as I was walking up the hill back to the house a deer pranced nearby, stopped and looked at me. I don't know it means anything, but somehow it did make me feel a little better for a minute or two.

Stupid questions that torture me

KodaBearSarge — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 02:13:30 GMT

Hi,

I am new to this board but not to Gary's books. 3 years ago I lost my Sarge (Samoyed) of 16 years and was devastated, Gary's book "Cold Noses..." helped a lot. Shortly after I adopted a 5 yr old Alaskan Malamute named Koda, and suddenly and unexpectedly, he dies of a stroke or heart attack on Aug 4th. The devastation is worse I think now and I am tortured because I was raised in the church and have heard over and over again that animals don't go to Heaven. I try to believe otherwise but, questions still lurk! Young minds are so impressionable. I wish Ministers or anyone else would NOT answer any questions they have not prayerfully and diligently studied up on!!

1. If Heaven is such a great place for our departed pet (and I know it is) then why do we struggle to save their lives when they are sick? Why do we not choose euthanasia over adoption or rescue? Why do we not put them to Heaven right away? Then rojoice over it?

2. Same question for abortion. Why are we so horrified by it (other than it's a sin - MURDER) when we know, that an aborted baby goes right to the Father, and does not get born into some hellish unChristian home and end up dying without the Lord at all and be damned to Hell?

In other words, why do we struggle to preserve life on this Earth so much, when there is a better, wonderful place to be?

Any thoughts?

Sincerely wondering and suffering a terrible heartbreaking loss,

Dot

Finding Strength, Courage, and Love in a tragic loss

ForYouTysieCat — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 01:46:26 GMT

Yesterday marked 11 weeks since our beloved cat Tyson passed, after being tragically (and accidentally) hit by a car.

The past 11 weeks have been the most amazing weeks of my life - I have shed countless tears, felt guilt, anger, you name it, Ive felt it. I have felt tremendous throws of sorrow and that life itself was closing in on me.

That said, I have also gained a lot from my baby boy's passing - things that I am grateful for. Things that make me realise that something positive can come from something absolutely dreadful. Things that help me find peace within my soul and spirit, and comfort through this terrible loss.

Tyson was here with us to teach us a lesson - in fact we were destined to be together to learn from each other, I think. Through Tyson I have learned that I am capable of giving and receiving unconditional love. Through Tyson I have learned that life is incredibly precious and that every moment shared together should be savoured and enjoyed. Through Tyson I have learned the very depths of sorrow, and come through to the other side to find a level of happiness once more. Through Tyson I have learned the importance of forgiveness - and I have even taken an advertisement out in our local paper so that I could let the driver and others involved in the accident that it wasnt their fault.

But the most important lesson my beautiful baby boy has taught me is one of love - pure love - and spirituality - the divine spirit that lives on beyond the passing of our bodies. Until Tysie's passing I had half formed theories on spirituality, and my beliefs on the soul. And I can tell you that I have been so confused and lost at times over the past 11 weeks, not knowing what to believe - not knowing what gave me the greatest comfort, or what was real.

But in recent weeks I have had a turning point in my beliefs. I know that Tyson has a divine spirit. Like me, he is one of God's divine creatures and I take great comfort that while his body is no longer with me, his spirit is always with me - from here to eternity.

Since his passing I have received subtle signs in the forms of dreams, hearing special songs, and feeling things. While I have not seen, smelled or held him since his passing, I know he is still with me and he blesses me every day as my guardian angel.

Since my beautiful baby's passing - note I say passing for his spirit has not died - I have been blessed by this experience to offer love and support to those in need. Those who have experienced the same tragic loss that I have. I have been blessed with a greater understanding and appreciation for life and death - and the after life.

Importantly I have learned an incredibly lesson of love - and that this is the most important thing in the world - in this life and beyond. My gorgeous Tyson has taught me the lesson of love in his life, and from the beyond he continues to help me learn the importance of love.

To love myself (and not feel guilty) that I/we did everthing we could to ensure Tyson had a wonderful life right up to the moment he passed. To love my husband for all the love and help and support he has offered me. To love our friends who have and havent fully understood our loss, but still offered support all the same. To offer love and forgiveness to the person who hit my baby (I dont know who he is, but I hope that he read my newspaper ad) because it was just an accident and no doubt he feels terrible about it.

Life will never be the same without my Tyson, but then life changes all the time. Our family has grown since Tyson's passing and through his crossing over we have been blessed to offer a wonderful home to a beautiful new kitten (Taylor). Taylor will NEVER replace our baby boy, but he gives me hope in the beauty of life and God's divine plan.

I wanted to share this message with you all - especially those that may have only recently lost their beloved or are still having a tough time with their loss - that something good can come from something terrible. And while I still have moments where I can drop to the ground and cry, these moments are now out-numbered by the happy memories of my beautiful baby boy and the love we shared.

If I can share some things that have helped me, it may possibly be of help to others?
- Im working on a scrapbook for Tyson - this has been incredibly theraputic and a wonderful way to "be" with my beautiful boy as I have heaps of photos of him to enjoy. It is a work in progress but I feel that I grow a bit more each time I do a page in it
- Regular prayer - dont get me wrong, Im not saying that you have to do this, but in times when I have felt lost I have prayed to God, Jesus, the angels and archangels and even Tyson for love and strength and help. And each time it has helped. For this I am incredibly grateful and am sure that this has helped tremendously.
- Talking with Tyson - I still speak with my Tyson as if he were with me in the physical form because I know that he is with me in spirit. I may be in the backyard and I will tell him how much I love and miss him, and how thankful I am for his blessings. I know it may sound crazy, but I know he can hear me and it makes me feel really good that we can still connect.

Tyson still is my world, and in fact he is actually so much more. His spirit is an inspiration to me. He has helped me find a new source and level of strength, courage and love in a time of sadness and a tragic loss.

For this I am eternally grateful and thankful that I could share some of my life journey with such an amazing creature of God.

thank you Tysie cat,

Mel xox

Having a tough time missing Tyson

ForYouTysieCat — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:04:57 GMT

Ive been making progress and actually managing to get through the day without the uncontrollable outbursts of tears.

Ive even now for the past week made it through the working week without running to the bathrooms for a crying session.

Then last night in the car I heard an emotional emotive song by the John Butler Trio (Peaches & Cream) and I lost it. I find certain songs- they don't have to be sad, they can be about love, friendship, whatever- make me incredibly emotional. Even Colbie's song Bubbly makes me a bit teary for Tyson.

Well these tears set off an absolute wave of emotion and before I knew I was practically wailing on the bed. I was crying so hard that my face hurt and it felt like I had daggers in my stomach.

Its been more than 5 weeks now- it will be 6 weeks on Sunday- since my beautiful baby boy left the house and never came back. I have accepted that he was hit by a car and it was an accident- it was his time. I think Ive gotten over the shock of it- I know that Tyson is gone and will not return. I know I will not see him again until I too head ''home'. I no longer have the bargaining or deal making thinking where you think "I would give/do anything if I could just hold him again".

Now I'm just left with the sorrow. The intense pain and anguish of the loss and his absence. I have a wonderful new kitten Taylor who truly is a blessing and 'Godsend" as Denise described- spot on, actually! He is a constant source of love and joy, as is our other beautiful cat Jackson.

Even still though the pain I feel for not having my Tyson is immense and sometimes I feel like the little progress I make and healing I have quickly succumbs to this pain and sadness again.

I know I have made progress, but I just wish the pain and sadness would stop and go away. My husband has gotten through his grief now and doesn't know what to do or how to help me- last night he suggested that I see someone... This made me feel like a nutcase.

That said I have seen some spiritual healers, and had a healing, just to try and get through the initial few weeks of the grief and trauma.

I just have a massive lump in my throat and hole in my heart that sometimes feel like will never go away. As I type this at work my eyes are filled with tears and I feel like I'm slipping backwards (I ha vent cried at work in days).

This has easily been one of the toughest times in my life and my life has not been easy... not by far.

It feels a little better to type these thoughts though. Thank you Gary for creating this site.

Mel

I miss you Terra

terrarose — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:02:14 GMT

i lost my Terra on 11/08/06 and i miss her so. She was my everything...I useto sing to her and she would smile. She love to take long walks with me. We would talk and she would listen.She was my fur child, my best friend....she left paws prints on my heart and soul. I talk to her all the time, and cry for her,for my loss. I never thought i would feel such sorrow, such pain, and heartache. I have to believe she waits for me at rainbow bridge. I have some of her fur.... from the last time i groomed her, it's in a heart locket, close to my heart, like her.Mommy misses you so much, my sweet beautiful baby

In honor of my beloved Tyson Desmond October 13th 2004- May 18th 2008

ForYouTysieCat — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:59:01 GMT

Yesterday marked 5 weeks since my beautiful baby cat, Tyson, died after being hit by a car.

My husband and I feel lucky that it was quick, seemingly pain free (no signs of exterior harm), and he was only around the corner from home. I am thankful that the driver stopped, and that the kind man whos yard my baby bear died in was good enough to call us immediately (I had my mobile number on his pet tag). I highly recommend that anyone who has an outdoor loved one has a pet tag with a mobile number on it too.

While he was a cat, to Scotty and me he was a beloved child. He had a beautiful soul, a presence that lit up my whole world, and doted on us like we were the most wonderful beings in the world. He drank out of glasses, watched footy while sitting on top of the TV, and used to sit on the toilet and wait for us while we showered, and would rub himself all over our wet legs. He was the most wondrous, adventurous and loving cat and will be missed by us always.

Our hearts are broken and left with a whole that feels like will never close. As a good friend I ask you that you take a moment today to spare a thought (or even a prayer) for our beautiful boy Tyson that we were all blessed to know.

He was our Tyson, my schmooba binks, my Tysie cat, my beautiful boy and we will love him forever.

We love you Tyson.

I personally want to give thanks to Gary Kurz- you have made my life a little easier and your book has lifted my soul and spirit. you have helped me. thank you!

how can I possibly deal with this

denise — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 13:12:56 GMT

I had to put my 11 and a half year old Chewy down two days ago...She had been diagnosed with cancer three months ago. The kind of cancer she had (hemangiosarcoma) is not a painful cancer (thank God for that)...We did chemo, and she took it so well...most of the last three months she has been her normal self.no one who saw her could even believe she was sick...then about two weeks ago, she started feeling bad. On Wednesday, I got the horrible news that the cancer was back and she would not live much longer. Wednesday night she got progressively worse, and was suffering so...finally, at about 4 in the morning I called the Vet...he met me at his office and Chewy died at 4:55 am...there were problems with getting the needle in her leg, so even though she was sedated, it was not as quick as I was told it would be. It was horrible for me. I cannot get the images of her last night out of my head...all I can think about is how she was suffering and how I should have taken her sooner, or how I should have kept her at home. When I took her into the vet's office,(she was so weak that the vet and I had to carry her in on her mat) she looked at me as if to say "why are we here, didn't we agree to fight this thing?"...all I can think is that I took her out of her home in the middle of the night, away from her "pack" and had her poisoned. I try to push these thoughts and images from my head but I simply cannot...

Guilt and doubt over making the decision...

MKLadee — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 16:44:36 GMT

I had to the make the decision this week to send our 13+ year old dog, Trix, to heaven this week. And, though I know he was in distress because of his inability to breathe effectively, I'm dealing with guilt and doubt over whether I made the right decision at the right time. Was there something else we might have done? And, if so, would it have been fair to him to keep him hanging on, knowing this was a decision that would have had to be made eventually unless he just died in his sleep? Most of my guilt and doubt comes from the fact that his tail was wagging going into the vet and he was happy to be on a 'road trip'. But even that caused him distress because the excitement made his breathing worse. I just feel like I ambushed or betrayed him.

my collie dog cody

lauraliz96 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:02:10 GMT

hello everyone, my name is laura from michigan
i recently lost my dog cody last month or the month before last month
he was 10 or 12 years of age
he had some rare disase that i never even heard of ,
so in april we had to put him to sleep, i was so upset so devastated
cody was such a wonderful dog to me and a real good special dog
the nicest dog i had
vert pretty too
i have his ashes up in my room
bless his sweet soul

laura

My old Buddy died today

zeitgeist — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:10:37 GMT

I just wanted to let you know that my old cat Docman went to Kitty heaven today. He had been crotchety for a little while now, and this past week, a little cranky. Today he went to sleep and didn't wake up. No pain, no muss. He was never a drama queen, so he died with dignity. We got Doc in 1988, no that's not a typo. My son (who is 25 and a dad) was in kindergarten when we got him. He lived in Massachusetts and on the California coast. He loved attacking field voles and mice, and in his youth chased away pesky raccoons (whole families of them!) and trespassing doggies. He loved the woods and was very sociable to other cats: back in the day had a posse of buddies on both coasts. He hated the vet and viewed each car ride as a possible trip to the vet. Too bad he treated the trip cross country in my car the same way. Thank God for Kitty tranquilzers. Attached is a pic taken in 1998, when he was a younger stud. (well, not actually, he was neutered very young). He kinda lost his good looks the last few months, but he was pretty happy to the end.

Spike, my beautiful kitty

Missmykitty — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 00:54:20 GMT

I just lost Spike, my 14 and 1/2 year old Black and White kitty this past Wed. I'm missing him so much I just wanted to write about him.

He was such a good ol' guy who was just the purr king of life. I got him and his sister Squeak when he was 5 weeks old. Squeak is still here and is puzzled by all the attention. Spike was mister tummy scratch and was always ensconced in his basket at the foot of my bed.

He had some major health problems 2 years ago, he was so brave and astounded all the experts. It was had an extremely rare reaction to Tapezol that depleted him of vitamin K. He began to bleed out through a tiny ulcer and it took a lot of intensive care to save him. But he triumphed and recovered and I had two full years more with Spike, an armful of kitty. The onesie he is wearing in the photo is from this time, because he had a feeding tube for a short time to help him recover. The vets suggested that I get one so he would not work on pulling out the tube. But he recovered and was in quite vigorous health.

But what happened in the last week and a half came as a total surprise. He wasn't eating well and then stopped drinking. I thought it was something related to his recently diagnosed kidney disease. But tests showed that he had widespread cancer, so I made the sad decision to put him to sleep. I was there for the whole procedure and the my vets were wonderful. I don't think he had a moment of fear. I felt in really close communication with him and I think he thought it was OK. He gave me some of his love blinks even when he was deeply sedated. I miss him so.

Rex and Smokey

Pam061605 — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:16:05 GMT

While most of you were opening your presents on Christmas Eve, 12/24/2007, my daughter and I were at our vets office putting two of our beloved pets down.

Rex was our 7 1/2 yr. old, 90 lb. black and tan Doberman we have had since he was 3 months old. His problems started with a series of strokes back in July '07. A complete vet exam showed no reason behind this. We couldn't afford the advanced imagery available that might have been able to pinpoint the exact cause and had we been able to, we wouldn't have been able to afford the treatments.

Smokey, our 5 year old 100+ lb., gray and white, Husky/Malamute mix that we rescued 3 years ago from a local animal kill shelter, was another story altogether. He was poisoned. Approximately 2 weeks before Christmas, some evil, mean spirited, pervert either poured or threw food contaminated with anti-freeze into our back yard. Smokey, who was always dominant and first in the chow line, ate it. By the time the symptoms showed up on him, it was too late. He was lethargic and wouldn't eat. Trips to two different vets and ultrasound pictures showed the damage and the irrefutable proof of someone's evil. His kidney's looked like Swiss cheese and the bright lights on the pictures unmistakeably showed the crystallization of the anti-freeze in his kidneys. He had lost 50% of their function by the time we found him. Our vet said that they could live on 20-30% of the kidney's function but that it was rare. He said we needed to pray. We did...believe me, we did.

We woke up Christmas eve morning to find that our Doberman Rex, had had a massive stroke during the night and was paralyzed from the neck down. It was weird because he couldn't move anything but his head and he didn't seem to realize what was going on except for the fact that he couldn't move. He ate a whole plate of chicken! He would whine--like normal---every time he couldn't see me. What I noticed though, was that he also couldn't urinate. I knew the end was near and that decisions would have to be made, quickly, if God didn't intervene. I placed a blanket down beside him and each of us took turns keeping him company and saying our good-byes.

We had called the vet when we found Rex and he was out of town and wouldn't be in until dark. We decided to wait because a new vet would want to open a new file, complete with new tests, which would only add more stress to Rex and the situation. His old vet new him, new what to expect, and had been preparing us for this moment. We didn't have Smokey on our minds at the time. We had been feeding him a mixture of baby food, Pedialyte, and baby cereal to flush his kidney's and not put too much work or pressure on his system. Little did we know that we were only prolonging the inevitable.

It came time to feed Smokey that afternoon. He refused to eat and this time, he clenched his teeth and became stubborn about it. I didn't want to acknowledge the truth so I became just as stubborn. I told him that he had to eat and that I was doing this for his own good. I took the huge syringe that we had been using to feed him and forced the food in it into his mouth. He didn't swallow this time. No matter how hard I tried, he just let it run out the side. I gave up only because I was divided in my attention between him and Rex and our 3 children who were witnessing this and trying to help. They're adults and almost adults, but my "mommy" instincts kicked in and I tried to make it all better for everyone.

Things started happening all at once...and fast. Really fast. I had prayed for God to intervene and make our choices easier to make and deal with, and in hindsight, He did exactly that. Praise be to God! All glory and power and wisdom are His!

Rex let go a small amount of urine into the carpet and I knew...I knew...from the smell that his kidney's were shutting down. It was the "final" smell that comes out when the body lets go. He started whining again but this time, it was as if he knew...and was scared. While this was going on, Smokey slipped away unnoticed. The phone rang and it was the vet wanting to know what was going on. My daughter told him and he said that he would meet us up at the office in a few minutes. My sons picked up Rex in a blanket and carried him out to the back of my Suburban. While they were getting Rex ready to travel, we realized Smokey had disappeared. This in itself was unusual because he never, ever liked to leave our side. We found him in my sons room. He had thrown up all over the bed and the carpet. On the clean end of the bed, he had crawled up there and just lay there. He would never have done any of this had he been in his right state of mind and body. It was at that point, we knew he had to go to the vet with us.

When we arrived at the vets office, he came out to the car to give both of the dogs an exam. With both dogs weighing right at 100 lbs. each and in such a fragile condition, it was the kindest thing to do. He looked at Rex first and saw from the paralysis that his time was over. In addition, he was in complete renal/kidney failure. He had minutes to live. He then checked Smokey and was stunned by the amount of weight he had lost since he had last seen him a little over a week before. When he checked Smokey out, he found that his veins had collapsed and that he was in the beginning stages of renal/kidney failure. He had only hours to live.

Under a full moon, on a cold Christmas Eve night, we said good-bye to two of the sweetest companions a family could ever hope to have. Rex was the first to be euthanized. The vet put the needle in his leg and, I'm assuming because of the paralysis, he didn't even flinch. He laid his head down on his front paws, and gently went to meet Jesus. I have never witnessed euthanasia before, and admittedly feared it. I no longer do. After witnessing the loss of such wonderful pets, I realized that it was the kindest and most loving way to thank them for their love, and to send them to their eternal home where we will see them later.

Smokey was the next one to say farewell. When the vet put the needle in his front paw, he immediately closed his eyes--before the medicine had even entered his system. He laid his head down and rolled over on his side. As the vet started the pink liquid flowing into his veins, Smokey took a very deep breath, and slowly let it out. Within seconds, it was over. His death was the more reassuring for us because as he closed his eyes and took his deep breath, it was if he was saying "Finally....they finally have let me go to rest in peace."    The way he handled it, made it easier for us to handle the decision to let him go.

The vet checked both of their heartbeats, silently shook his head acknowledging it was over, and came and put his arms around both of us. I said "they will be at the greatest birthday party ever in the morning! How awesome to see Jesus face to face on His day....'   I meant it...but at the time, it was the "mom instinct" in me taking over trying to make it better for my daughter.

We drove home with both of our beautiful, beloved friends in the back. When we arrived home, my son took them down into our pasture and buried them. He said his good-byes his own way...and in his own time. We knew when he came back, how hard it was for this grown, but young 19 year old to handle.   I was so proud of him and still am...

Tuesday, Christmas Day came and basically went. We opened a can of corned beef hash, some peas and corn, and that was our big meal. Everyone took their plate and retreated back into their bedrooms to either sleep to distance themselves from the grief, or to just be alone. Everyone was too old for Santa so there wasn't any need for pretending....
The pain of putting down two precious lives at one time, was almost more than we could take. And the rage...the pure rage that threatened to overtake us. We knew who poisoned our dog...our neighbor. He is notorious for killing pets...and we knew...knew it deep in our guts that he was involved somehow--some way. We just couldn't prove it and therein lay the problem. We wanted revenge--yes, we did and we plotted ways to get it---but God's words kept foiling our plans...."vengeance was not ours." It belonged to God. We knew to let God handle it. We knew we had to let go. We eventually did. Again, praise God...

Wednesday, the day after Christmas, gave us a newer lease on life, so to speak. Our prayers had led us to a conclusion--we had to make Smokey's life count for something. We had known since July that Rex's time was limited. His life meant a lot to us too---please don't underestimate that fact---but in some ways, we had already made our peace with his passing. It wasn't unexpected. Smokey's was a shock. A complete, devastating shock. He was our Kangaroo dog! He couldn't sit still for anything. He was the happiest dog we had ever seen. We constantly remarked how blessed we were because of the joy he had brought into our lives. Rex was more reserved and quiet. When I would take him into Petsmart, everyone had to pet him and would comment on how large he was and how sweet. The kids would use Rex as a pillow while they laid on his ribs to watch TV. He never moved an inch while they were there. Smokey on the other hand, wouldn't be still for anything! He was always trying to kiss you or put out his paw for you to shake. If you weren't paying attention, he would put his paws on your shoulders and kiss you right on the mouth! He loved his people and he loved being loved by his family. Not having his energy around was the hardest loss to bear.

We logged on to www.Petfinder.com and started browsing through the husky's. We found "just the one" in Beaumont, Texas...a ten hour drive away from us. After many e-mails and phone calls, we were approved and on our way. By Saturday morning, we had Atka, a full blooded, black and white, 2 blue-eyes Siberian Husky. Atka means "guardian spirit" in Inuit/Alaskan and it fit the memory of Smokey well because he was the first Husky we had ever owned. Due to his spirit, we were able to rescue another one, just as we had rescued him. Atka has proven to be a blessing. He is not quite the clown that Smokey was, but he's getting there! He squeaks. Smokey howled. It's so funny because neither dog barks! If someone came up to the house, the other dogs would bark but Smokey would howl at them! Many people thought he was part wolf because of it! He wasn't... Atka squeaks! He makes noises that don't really have a noise! If he wants your attention however, he will yelp like he is in extreme pain! Once your heart stops racing, you can laugh at his antics designed to get him petted! He is quiet though, just like Rex was. He will patiently wait for you to pet him and quietly lay in the room with you as long as your near. So, in essence, we got the best of both dogs, rolled up into one. God certainly does work in mysterious, wonderful ways....

We are making progress...thank God we are...but it's still not easy. This has been the hardest thing for me to write because I have had to relive every painful moment of their passing. The kids are back in school, the holidays are over, and this house still doesn't feel complete like it used too. It's too quiet around here now. Some days, it's too sedate. I want so much to see our kangaroo dog "boinga-boinga" across the yard. I still haven't been able to bring myself to clean the mud off of our sun porch windows where it was splashed by either Smokey or Rex. I know it was one of them...and that's all that matters.

We love Atka and do not regret making such a hasty decision to adopt him. It was and still is right for us and the other pets we have. We found out that Atka had been displaced from his home during hurricane Rita and had been from home to home ever since until he finally landed at the dog pound. He was a blessing for us, waiting for us to come and get him.  The other blessing in this is that Rex and Smokey could not stand to be alone. They were people dogs/pack dogs. They loved their human and canine families. Thank God...again...that these two did not go alone.  Had they, it would have made our grief harder to bear because we knew how much they depended on us and each other. They walked side by side through those pearly gates and we have no doubt we will see them again.

God bless you all and thank you for allowing me to memorialize our beloved pets here. You would have loved them as much as we do had you known them....

Toby

sandyw — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 05:00:06 GMT

My little puppy Toby died on Thursday, 1/10/07. He would have been 6 months old on Friday. It is so hard to believe how quickly a little guy can steal your heart.

We aren't exactly sure what happened. We believe he must have run into the steps while playing with our other dog, Coy. I had let him out in the backyard and he went straight to Coy who was laying by the steps. I'm sure our other dog didn't hurt him. He was always so patient and gentle with him. He enjoyed his company. I left him for 15 to 20 minutes. When I went out to get him I noticed he didn't seem right. I picked him up thinking maybe he had a stomach ache which he had once prior. Anyway I put him in his crate and offered him a treat. He didn't take it which was very unusual. He laid down and I ran an errand. I came back about 20 minutes later and noticed he still was laying there and didn't get up when I came in the room. I picked him up and rushed him to the vet. The vet said he appeared he had a cervical fracture with bleeding into his brain. There was nothing we could do for him. They tried for 2 hours. During that time his little heart stopped twice. The third time we had to let him go. The medicine was helping his breathing and heart rate but when it wore off his heart would stop again.

My heart is broken. He was so sweet. Everyone who met him loved him. He always looked for mom and wanted to be where I was. We could really communicate with each other. I miss him terribly.