Bebroken.com Forum

Lust

2ashamed — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:16:27 GMT

I am a married woman who struggles with lust. Not for other men. I have been married for over 20 years now to the same man. I had serious sin problems with lust, pronography, before I got saved and before I married. Now all these years later it comes back. This past time was so horrible. I couldn't even think or function. It took me 3 weeks to get over it. I came out of it as God was showing me what my sin was doing to others. Those I neglected ministering too as well as how it was effecting (distracting) my husband in ministry. I feel so ashamed and guilty. It has never been this bad. I have been hurting so much for how I have disappointed my Lord and Saviour. I have no one to talk to. I feel so alone.....Please tell me I am not the only woman to have this problem. Are there others?

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Accountability Group

byGrace — Thur, 17 Apr 2008 11:02:16 GMT

I am beginning to host a Christian accountability group that will be available T,Th, Sat at 5 AM Central time. It is done through Skype (skype.com) so should be available to anyone with an internet connection. More information is available at the home group site:

http://myrecoveryspace.com/groups/view/id_1/title_christian-accountability/

Hope this is OK to post here, as I would really like to see some more Christian men who want/need accountability to join us. By God's grace we CAN overcome our problems with porn and licentiousness. Please join me in this fight.

Forum: Speak out...

Need a Friend

Overcomer — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:46:18 GMT

Hello to all,
I am new to this site. I am surprised to see so many other men in the same situation as myself. I am not happy or excited to see this but it does give me hope and helps me believe that I am not the only one in this boat.

I am married and have three kids and I am 34 yrs old. I LOVE my family and I LOVE God. He has been so good to me. However, I have an attraction to men. I have had this attraction for many years and have tried to deny the feelings and that has not worked for me.

I am currently doing a devotion and I have dedicated 40 days to God 100% and have promised not to look at internet porn or even chat on gay websites. I am a week into it and have been able to hold steadfast. However, the desires and temptations are VERY strong.

I need a mentor that can help me through this testing time in my life. I live in Texas and would love to have someone who has gone through this help me through it.

If there is anyone out there that would like a friend, I certainly could use a true christian brother to help me through this.

Forum: Share your story...

My story

wnt2bHis — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:38:41 GMT

Ok guys. Today is such a low day after a fantastic Easter Weekend.

The life story...at a glance version.
Grew up in rural America. Exposed to porn at a young age in the neighborhood trash cans literally. Molested by a female babysitter when I was about 7. Through my teens, men were my attraction even though I dated girls a lot. In college...had a homosexual experience with my best friends lover. We are no longer friends to say the least. I married about 3 years later to a beautiful woman and we have 4 sons. We've been married almost 18 years. I've had a porn problem throughout our marriage. It's gay porn. Started as hidden magazines at work. Then the internet! I've actually stayed up all night looking! Now I'm into internet chat rooms when I work around my internet filter. I don't stay up at night anymore. My computer is in the middle of the house. I work at home and wife is here some of the time. It's a huge hassle to deinstall/play and reinstall my filter but I do it if I'm desperate for a hit.

My relationship with my wife is okay..not great but not bad. She know about the molestation and the bad relationship with parents. She has no clue about everything else. I'm pretty guarded with friends, even here. I don't trust anyone. I've told a couple guys that told me about their own ssa. They are acting out in person and they warn me to never cross that line. I confess to priests all the time and some have been great about it. It's so isolating being here-responsible for a family and thinking about help is a bit overwhelming because of the expense and eventual revelation about it. I know my wife, she's loving, but this would be too much for our marriage to bear right now.

I've seen a psychologist for a while but couldn't afford that for very long and I stopped as the work was starting to get difficult. I just can't afford to take the next step toward help but I can't afford not too. I'm desparate some days...others i'm fine. Prayer helps when I can do it.

I need someone to take my hand...walk me through this and be with me. I can't do this alone.

Forum: Share your story...

where to start

wnt2bHis — Thur, 13 Mar 2008 21:30:22 GMT

Been listening to the Pure Sex podcasts today. The old/new thinking podcast has nailed me to the tree today.

I want to start dealing with this but certainly have all the delusions and fear of getting started.

My situation? Addicted to gay porn. Married with kids. Sexually abused as a young boy. Distant father who was probably addicted too thinking back now. I was exposed to porn at a very early age too. It's always been there. And there is this lingering same sex attraction thing going on too.

I want to do this but know its going to be hard and in fact I know if I tell my wife, she'll leave me. Oh what to do. We are almost broke so counseling...expensive counselling it almost out of reach.

Any thoughts?

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Survey for Women

Jane_in_Massachusetts — Thur, 28 Feb 2008 22:19:18 GMT

This is a message for WOMEN

Im a seminary graduate who is training to be a pastoral counselor. I hope you will take my online anonymous survey. Its part of a required research assignment; I have to collect data from real people and write a very long paper about it.

Im doing this research to better understand women and their needs in therapy. The question Ive chosen to answer is: Do women download and save sexually-oriented materials from the internet? There is research about what men do with material they find on line (downloading, collecting, sharing, and cataloging), but no one has asked the questions of women in this detail. Your answers are important!

Below is a link to my web survey for women who have used the internet for Online Sexual Activity.

Online Sexual Activity includes:

looking at pornography or erotic pictures online

reading erotic stories online

going to chat rooms where people have sexual conversations (whether you wrote back or not)

exchanging sexual emails with people you met on bulletin boards or social networking sites

having cybersex using IM, email, or a webcam

having an avatar in a virtual community (e.g. Second Life) that has sexual encounters

using the internet to find sex partners you meet in real life

If you have tried any of these things please consider taking the survey, whether you think you have a problem with this behavior or not. The survey is anonymous; you will not be asked for any identifying information. If you know other women who do these things, please send them the link to the survey.

The survey questions are about whether you collected or downloaded the materials, not about sexual practices the questions are PG.

Link to the survey:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=ltWwcsSropItuxKln0L00g_3d_3d

In May I will post a summary of my findings here.

Thank you so much for your help, and blessings on your recovery!

Jane

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massage services with issues

alotofme62 — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 13:20:36 GMT

I am 42 married in a sexless marraige due to wife's medication
i have taken to seeing massage therapists for years now as it relieves my sex stress almost as well as self stimulation.
My therapist has been providing me with manual stimulation to the genitals and i am ok with this as i percieve it as the equivelent of self stimulation. but part of me is concerned that while there is no pennetration of anything, it could qualify as adultry

your thoughts

Dave confused in New Hampshire

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How to cope with Sex Addiction?

wifeofSA — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 11:23:15 GMT

Dear All,

I discovered in 2006 that my husband had been cheating on me with various men he had met online. Soon there after we discovered through counseling that he suffered from sex addiction. Since then our marriage that I once treasured has become so toxic that I too have manifested behaviors that is out of character.

Leading up to the discovery of the S.A. I was in church and he and I were baptized together. Unknowingly he was sneaking out of our bed to go lay with other men. Soon after finding out I fell away from God, because the church I was attending told me my marriage was over and blah blah blah. It is so easy for someone to tell you what you should do when they've never lived this situation. I LOVE my husband and I couldn't just walk away from him so easily and nor could they if they were dealt this hand. Soon after finding out about the infedelity our life was so turned upside down that I started seeing someone and the relationship was strictly sexual. Soon after that my husband went back into the military and I had a friend over from work and we also had sex. In September of this year I discovered a online application for a dating site requesting women to contact him because he had received orders to another base and he wanted to meet up with women along the way to his new duty station. Soon thereafter I met a man online, drove to his barracks he was married and we had a one night stand unprotected. WHY I keep doing things like this I DON"T KNOW? I wished somebody could tell me this is where these things are manifesting from etc. As for him WHY is habitually wanting to cheat on me?? I don't understand where I went wrong as a wife?!! Every man I've ever dated has cheated on me in one way or another.. WHY?

Please, if anybody reads this can you please help my husband and I both to be the people we're supposed to be. I don't understand where things went wrong and honestly I don't like living with the person I've become and I love my husband and I cherish our marriage, but I just don't understand. . .

Kelly

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You call it Love I call it Lust

loveVSlust — Thur, 27 Dec 2007 13:55:42 GMT

I have been married for 10 years.......my husband is 49 and I am 63......the true "opposites factor"

His claim to his views refers to his "Italian" side and claims that there is truth to the classic idea that Italian men are more sexual.......ahem....that's his version.....

Of the two of us, I guess it did not take long for me to figure that we were "unequally yoked" in terms of Biblical teaching.
lately, I am finding myself at odds over his "overthetop" requests for sex.....and that his desires go hand in hand with his consumption of alcohol(noted here now that he IS an alcoholic-with many,many detox experiences) but when he is in a "dry period" his sexual urgings fall off....in fact it becomes rather appealing then for me to be the pursuer......of which I have mentioned to him more times than not......

My query is this.........I believe his sexual drive is directly/demonically attached to his alcohol addiction.....yes?

And he always refers to it being "LOVE" and I only see "LUST"
and that the way he handles the whole engaging attempt to have sex reminds me of what a "woman of the street" may be treated like..........I object to this and then we have a fall out and he goes in his corner and "pouts" and I feel relieved that nothing will happen..........

I am starting to resent his "constant" request for having sex
no matter how many times in a day it is never "enough" according to him .....lets just say I have engaged as many as 5-6 times in one day and felt that all of it was for naught as he indicated he wanted more..........
Also, the beer as we all know reduces his ability to perform and he wants me to make up the difference by working at it more........nope, will not do..........as it is not a problem when he is off the suds....................

So, I guess that is enough to shock too many responses but I was wondering if there were other women in this "rocky boat" called marriage....................sigh..........we both profess love for each other but this is not my idea of love.......love is many things and sex is only a part of the union called marriage.
Sandi

Forum: Share your story...

My lowest point and confession

Tbird — Thur, 29 Nov 2007 16:14:57 GMT

Today I have hit rock bottom. I now realize that I am addicted to internet porn. I view videos and pictures online, and it is ruining my life. I live in constant fear of my secret life being discovered, and today that fear I know is shame for what I have done, how I have disobeyed God, and how I have dishonored my marriage.

I have been viewing impure things online for years, at least 8 and possibly as many as 10. Usually after viewing these things, I masturbate. I know it is wrong, but I have made excuses for it and pushed aside any thoughts of addiction until today.

I have viewed images online every day this week, including this morning. I generally view these things at work. I have always been paranoid about being caught, but it has not happened yet, and I have been at the same job for 5 years. Today, shortly after my viewing session, my boss came in and asked to see me this afternoon. Though I think I know what it is referring to, I immediately began fearing that I had finally been caught. The only thing that I could think of in that moment is "How am I going to tell my wife and my church?"

That is when I realized, enough is enough. I am tired of the fear and shame. I am disgusted with myself, and I cannot take it any more. Today begins my climb up the slippery slope and out of this pit. I am looking forward to a new and pure life with the help of God and this website. I found this site when searching porn addiction, and it has already helped. I know I am not alone, and that I can face this, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, until I have cleaned up my life and I am a shining example of the power of God to overcome any addiction.

Please pray for me as I search my heart and the face of God for help and answers. I will be posting often and using this thread for accountability.

At this moment, I am two hours and fifteen minutes pure.

Forum: Share your story...

Help and Prayer

jotptpa — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 07:04:49 GMT

I'm not sure where to start..but I am glad that I am not alone. I've been a Christian for many years but I've always struggled with Porn. As many eople may have thought....I thought once I am married I do not have to worry about it. I still struggle..and my wife can not relate and do not understand my sexual appetite ( for her)..therefore often i am left unfulfilled and struggling. By God's Grace I have gone greater than 40 days without porn or even looking at strong sexual content on TV/Internet etc... But yesterday I failed miserably...I do not know why I ended up at a Strip bar....felt guilty and prayed for forgiveness and pray that God protects my family from my sins.

I have always been opened to my wife and told her where I was... but I did not expect her reaction to be so negative...esp for telling her the truth ( by the way she never forbidden me from going to strip bars)...but I was surprise with her reaction..now she is not talking to me.

Now I do not know how to make things right with her and with God.

Any advice who have the same experience or know of anyone?
Pls keep us in your prayers

PS posted same message in diff forum

Forum: Speak out...

should I leave him

dana — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:38:47 GMT

I am 38 and have been married to my husband for 5 yrs after a long time of knowing him for over another decade. Just recently I discovered that he has been doing internet porn for 10 years, completely unbeknownst to me, which has been amazing because we spend so much time together. I found out that he does it after I fall asleep. To make matters worse, he has been impotent since we got married (I saved myself for him and supposedly so did he for me) so we have not been able to have children because of it. For the first year or two, I had patiently been encouraging him and waiting for him to seek medical and psychological advice and help (I was willing to do this with him) for his impotence, and he had done so with not much success. He always told me if he had known he was impotent he would never have married me to save me of this pain. He has tried in a lukewarm fashion to do the recommended medical therapies.

Well, now I know why he has been impotent for all this time. He has lied to me for 10 years and his guilt and deceit have made it impossible to have sex with his wife. I have asked him whether he done it on his own and he denied it all this time. It turns out he has been doing that to his porn images regularly. I am completely disgusted by him. He says he is not having a live affair and I do believe him, but it was only because I found out that he has promised to stop this sinful addiction. At least he could have had the decency to tell me about it on his own! I found him an immersion therapy course for sex addicts to go to and he is there right now.

I am 38, heartbroken, and childless, and I blame him in many ways for taking the best years of my life, all because I trusted him and tried to be more than patient. I do not have children to complicate the situation but I am afraid that I am too old to date and that I'll never have children now. He says he will do anything to have me back, but I do not trust him, and I know that porn addicts tend to go back to their ways over and over again, and I don't think I can take it if it happens again, and I will hate myself for not having left him now. I have spent the last 2 days letting him know how much I am disgusted with him, how hurt I am, and that I am seriously considering a divorce. I don't think I have been supportive in his struggle, but I also think it is not my job to "fix" him and or enable him in any of his behavior. I am afraid if I let him back into my life it will be more lies, more suffering, and more of the same thing. When I first met him he drank heavily on recreational occasions, and it was my ultimatum of leaving that appeared to make him stop. Now in my lucidity I see that he just has transferred over to another addiction, sex, but not with me. He has found images of people who have my features and he has virtual sex with them on his own. We have only had relations twice in my entire marriage, and they were barely what you would call satisfying. I have been so patient with him. I am so hurt. I am a strong person, and I want to do the right thing, and I want to be able to carry on. I never expected this out of my life and am even disgusted and frightened at the thought of divorce, but self-preservation is now so important to me.

In my heart I do believe that God has different intentions for my life. I have tried so hard to be a good and faithful wife and this is what I have had in return. I thank God for allowing me to catch my husband in his sin, so that I may not be an unknowing victim anymore.

I am so isolated in this. Nobody else knows. The last 3 days since I found out have felt like 3 months. I fear that telling my friends and family will alienate them because they have small children and will be scared of him. I don't think he is a danger to them but I fear that I will suffer more because they will not want to associate with us, even though they may put on polite airs. Also we have fairly high profile jobs and any public exposure to this information will make things very difficult.

please let me know what you think. I don't expect miracles, just someone else's thoughts. help me. anyone. I am alone, the house is quiet, and all I have is my grief, anger, thoughts, and heartache to wrestle with.

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idea - please read

strengththroughweakness — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:58:35 GMT

I'm new to this forum, and I'm not sure if anyone has ever suggested anything like this, but please read on.

I'm a traveling salesman. I spend countless hours at night in lonely hotel rooms with my laptop and all the internet porn out there. Forums are a great way to seek help, but what if there was an active network of people that could meet up in different locations? For instance, when I'm in Atlanta, I could meet up with guys in Atlanta and talk and be encouraged, in person, to fight on. Accountability is huge. The forums are great, but sometimes you just need to go have a beer or coffee with someone instead.

I think some initial worries might be safety and making sure that there aren't creeps out there looking for a thrill. Perhaps working with more progressive churches?

I'd love some thoughts. I'm all over the southeast and mid-atlantic.

Thanks, and God bless!
- Jonathan

Forum: Speak out...

idea - please read

strengththroughweakness — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:39:16 GMT

Forum: Speak out...

idea - please read

strengththroughweakness — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:38:18 GMT

Forum: Share your story...