Authentic Parent Community Forum

Wild rampages

GoonieMom — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:12:29 GMT

Basically what she has been doing lately is going through a room and just destroying it. Pulling all the dishes out of the cabinets, throwing all the magnets onto the floor, throwing all the shoes into the middle of the floor, dumping out huge baskets of laundry, etc. Of course the natural reaction is for me (or her dad) to tell her not to do it! Also, we have a new dog and she keeps kicking it. She has also been kicking/hitting her dad and otherwise being more aggressive than usual. We have dealt with things like this in the past (throwing food off the high chair, etc.) and I know that telling her not to and yelling doesn't work and I don't want to respond that way anyway. Also, ignoring it doesn't work.

I have lent out both my Playful Parenting book and Naomi's book so I need some reminders from all of you on how to handle this situation. Do you think this is a power struggle thing? I"m not sure how to respond to it. I'd really appreciate any suggestions you might have. My LO is 27 months.
Thanks!
Ariel

Forum: Young Children

Overwhelmed (again) by her intense needs!

GoonieMom — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:09:38 GMT

I've had such a rough day (and past few weeks, really) with Cora. I've been trying to get over a sickness, and have not been feeling well at all. So it has been even harder to deal with her already intense needs. She nurses what seems like non-stop and she asks to be picked up and carried literally if I walk across the room. I know I need to meet her needs, but is this really a need? Sometimes I feel like she is just bored or she is just in the habit of saying it. But if I tell her no, or try to get her to walk, or ask her to wait to nurse - she cries. Some days I feel like I'm just saying no (or wait) all day long, and I know that is not fair to her. I'm just feeling so smothered!! Today, I feel like I was so mean. I remember saying "I don't want to carry you! I don't want to nurse you! Walk by yourself!" She is only 27 months old, this must be so mean coming from me. Luckily, her dad took her to the store so I have an hour or two to decompress.

I guess I just need to vent and ask for some help. Has anyone else been in this situation? I have always believed in Attachment Parenting and want to meet all of Cora's needs. But like I said, I just wonder if these really are needs.... and how can you tell??

Forum: Young Children

Democratic/Free Schools

catherine — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:06:10 GMT

Has anyone (or anyone's children) had experience with these schools? What are your thoughts about them? I'm considering giving my children the option to go to one. Does anyone know the names of some of the better ones? We are considering moving to Boulder, CO or Portland, OR and are interested in free schools in those cities. ~Catherine in Atlanta, mom to Evan (4) and Ava (3)

Forum: Schooling/Unschooling

Question for co-sleepers ...

buzzybee — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:45:26 GMT

My 10month old usually cosleeps the latter part of the night in the big bed with us. He wakes a few times in the night and we feed or rock him back to sleep.

But what do you do when they wake up and are properly awake and want to crawl all over the place and you cant just cuddle them back to sleep because they are having none of it and can get away from your grasp?

My son normally wakes for the day at 5am which is ridiculously early and yes he is always tired. But last few mornings it has been 4.30am. We dont feel we can leave him to cry in his cot. And you cant hold or rock him back to sleep as he wriggles too much. But it feels soooo wrong getting up with him - for him and for me!

Anyone had this experience?

Forum: Infants

Upsets/Aggression

umsie — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:33:39 GMT

Hi,

I'm pretty new on the forum but have been reading posts for a little while and they have helped; thanks to everyone who posts!

I was wondering if anyone might have any suggestions for me. I feel a little brain blocked...

My DS is almost 7 (will be in November) and we are having some issues or at least I am. He has an almost 5 little sister who he wants to look up to him and he wants to be able to help and teach but she wants none of it. She wants to be able to do everything herself without his help or with only me to help her. Whenever he trys to help her and she refuses he gets very angry and will push or hit her. He also likes to just annoy her whenever he wants her to play but she doesn't want to. And if he begins to do something she doesn't like, she will begin to yell stop or no but most of the time he will not stop he will just continue and might even throw in a laugh. I'm not sure how to help him understand other's boundaries. He recently even spit in our friends face and laughed about it (I wasn't there for that; just found out about it).

We recently began unschooling and it is a big transition since he has been in some sort of structered environment since age 4 and his sister decided she wanted to stop preschool as well. So, we honored their requests and have been making great strides on our family togetherness and happiness but are trying to work through these issues of aggression. It just feels so weird to see this aggression when we have seen him happier than he has been in so long. He has started doing things that he had stopped doing that he enjoys (singing, drawing, building, etc...) and we want them both to continue to grow and be happy.

Any ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear them all!! Thanks!

Forum: Aggression

Labeling

VonMises — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 09:43:08 GMT

I hate the way schools look upon all kids through a cookie cutter lens and then label they 'special' or 'advanced' or 'disabled' in some fashion. Books could be and have been written on this, but it struck home last night. We went to downtown Pittsburgh for the annual gallery crawl and one place we stopped was for a short, intimate concert of violin and piano. The gentleman playing violin (a former member of the Pittsburgh symphony among other accomplishments) did the talking and he was very obviously excited and a generally happy guy. He also did some strange movements with his body, stuttered a little, and was probably a little socially inept as a younger man. He played beautifully and cracked jokes with the crowd between songs. Afterwards, I could not help but wander what schools would do to this beautiful soul if he was tested and funnelled to the appropriate government re-programmers......

Forum: Schooling/Unschooling

How to do the work with children

sanja — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:51:12 GMT

Hi,
I would like to add how Byron Katie once explaine how to use work and four questions with children in unformal way
Her words:

If child came from scholl and complain :Nobody likes me in the scholl.

Than you said to him:

I understand how you feel, I know how is, if nobody likes you and I know what are you going thru ( or experience)

And then we ask:

A you shure, that nobody likes you? (The short version of 1 and 2. question)

And than we accept his yes or no.

Then we ask:

How do you feel, what are you experience? (The short version of 3.question)

Then we ask:

How do you feel before this event, before this happend? (The short version of 4.question)

And then we say:

What about your best friend, does he likes you? What about your theacher, does she likes you?(The short version of turnaround)

I hope this will be of some help. My son is only 14 months so I couldn't use it yet and I can't share any experience regarding this

Sanja

Forum: The Work for Parents

there is a child sized potty in one of our local kids' stores!

meghandsheamas — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:01:00 GMT

megh had to pee yesterday when i went to one of our local kids' stores for a bpa free sippy for my son and so she goes ahead of me to the bathroom in the store, and she comes out and excitedly says there is a kid sized potty in there!!! i go look and sure enough, there was a big potty for adults and a kid sized potty for kids. she was so touched by that. i wish i had the ability to do that...but i rent right now. it made me think even more how unfair it is that children must live in such a big big world where hardly anything accomodates them...its mostly geared towards our size/interests...little people deserve potties that are their size, too. ;o) we will frequent this store moreso now. how cool is that. do any of you have a child size toilet?

Forum: General

my daughters' reasons for liking school

meghandsheamas — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:55:16 GMT

her response to why she likes school: (waldorf)

-the trees... and i climb on them ("even though we aren't supposed to..." "well the one teacher lets us...")
-i like nature there...
-i love sheamas
-i love H and C (her friends there)

hmmm sounds like all the reasons and more, can be met w/ unschooling. ;o)

Forum: Schooling/Unschooling

are any of you solo parenting as well?

meghandsheamas — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 13:46:42 GMT

and are you working plus unschooling?

Forum: General

child being defiant climbing tree higher and higher

meghandsheamas — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 00:05:50 GMT

ok...my friends' son who is 6 climbed a tree today at school and would not get down for the teachers assistant...or for his mom the 2nd time he did this when she picked him up...he told them the only person he would get down for was for this one boy who is about 10.

sooo for his 'punishment' and also for the 4.5 yo sons running in circles and not doing what the assistant/teacher asked him as well today at school...the playdate/dinner together has been cancelled by their mom. i'm bummed and i'm sure my daughter will be too when she gets back home (the mom is driving her here...).

i'm so sad. on one hand, i know that this boy could have hurt himself greatly if he'd fell since the branches were pretty small that he was apparently standing on...and i also understand that he needs to follow the rules when at a school. sigh. but...i don't think he should be punished. i think its all about control of the teachers/parents and so often they don't stop to think...does it REALLY matter that this kid isn't doing what i tell him to do!? is it because they look 'bad' if the kid falls and breaks his leg or whatever? what is this really about. for this mom, it is fear that her son could get hurt but mainly that the school is ready to boot these 2 brothers out of there...and they just started.

i had to vent. this is so sad. and i myself am torn as i'm not unschooling my daughter right now... (she is in waldorf school)
sigh.

Forum: General

I am 'teachable'

VonMises — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:01:01 GMT

Well, about 2 years ago I started a journey to change from parenting like I grew up with to something 'enlightened'. I just refused to believe it had to be this way (fighting, nagging, coerciveness, hard feelings, etc).

Last week I took my 2 daughters (4 and 6) to the beach for 5 days and we had 5 days of fun. The only moment when I had a brain fart was driving home and after 10 hours, my 6 year old wrote on the car seat with crayon. I reacted way over the top and apologized, but over all, I am still amazed how wonderful our relationship is and how EASY everything is.

I just want to give a 'shout out' to Naomi for helping shed light on and teach us another way.

Forum: Eureka (!) Moments

what about...artwork on the walls???

meghandsheamas — Thur, 25 Sep 2008 21:58:49 GMT

what about how to deal w/ art on the walls...ie. painting the wall, crayon drawings on the wall...

do we just allow it? my daughter made the most BEAUTIFUL painting in our hallway once but...we had to wash it and repaint over it...after i told her how beautiful it was and video'd the artwork and told her why we had to paint it...because we rented the place...didn't own it. if i'd owned it i probably would have kept it. i mean really.......its just a 'wall', afterall. maybe i should just make that my new siggy... ;o) anyway, i got thinking about this at work (i'm supervisor of a gym's childcare room) when my friends' son starting writing on the wall w/ a crayon.

Forum: General

when a teacher is not on the same page...

meghandsheamas — Thur, 25 Sep 2008 01:01:15 GMT

i am a twice-over solo parenting mama with 2 dc...my dd is almost 6 yo and my ds is almost 10 mos. i always planned on unschooling them but so far, my dd is now in waldorf school for her 2nd year in the mixed age kindergarten.

this is all great except one thing: i have a real problem surrending to letting the teachers 'discipline' my dd in any way that is not in harmony with this way...not that i'm perfect. not that i don't put my dd is time outs cuz i'm so darn tired and annoyed i am at my wits end. but...i can't STAND when the aftercare teacher insists on my dd going in a time out and when my dd doesn't comply and runs away then my dd is given a 'chore' to pick up pine cones and is dealt w/ in an annoyed manner. the aftercare teacher does this even when i am present and i want to scream it makes me so upset. i just sit there and either don't back her up or like today i told my dd to listen to her teacher. that if she doesn't want to be unschooled and go to school she needs to cooperate w/ her teachers and school rules. sigh... i feel i've made an awful mistake putting my dd in school... i've needed the 'break' as i get so tired and i feel very overloaded having to be the sole provider for my dc...you get the jist. so i chose this school for its nurturing simple qualities... i just don't know what to do now... have any of you had this same issue??? and what did you do??? thank you...
lisbeth

Forum: General

being held hostage by my twins

vali_babes — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:46:01 GMT

Hi. I am new here and am still reading Naomi's book. I have 3.5 year old twins and a 1 month old baby. My husband and i have tried to meet their needs and be as gentle and kind as we can. We are pretty much a demand feeding, co-sleeping family. The kids have not been cared for by anyone else but family and only go to my mum or sister for short periods of time. When they were 15 months old i returned to work 2 days a week and my husband looked after them.

I have a bunch of issues but the one that is driving me nuts right now is that since the last month of pregnancy and especially since my 2 nights in hospital when the new baby was born my son will not let me out of his sight. I have had this at times with both the twins before - my daughter went through a phase a few months back where i had to take her to work with me - just before i went on leave.

While i was working i'd get some time to myself at work and just having some kid free time was great. the rest of the week I would dedicate to them and we would do lots of fun stuff, games, outings etc. Now that i am home with the baby they will not leave me alone. I barely get to shower without one of them in there with me and i am so tired at night that when they are asleep i go to bed.

I dont want to leave either of the kids crying but i need to go out sometimes and do things that i cant take the kids to and they just dont want me to go. Yesterday i took my son into my work as i had to go in for about an hour. He wouldn't even stay at home with my husband baking a cake which he loves doing. I get really angry and upset that i have no time to myself and end up being less than kind to them.

I am so over done with kid time that when I am not able to engage in their games - i just want a break - i dont know what to do because i feel like i am becoming a horrible mum to be around and yet they wont let me have a few hours off each week or twice a week to regain myself.

I am not someone who can just walk off with them crying and then have a nice relaxed cup of tea with a friend.

What to do?

I am hoping things will change soon but in the meantime i am going crazy.

Forum: Young Children