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A Warm Welcome to you NEW MEMBERS

redhead — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:09:16 GMT

Welcome to the new members .

If any of you need help, have queries, or suggestions just holla.

If you need money, I just left .

Forum: ANNOUNCEMENTS

First couple chapters pt. 2

sweetsstuff2006 — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 01:58:24 GMT

okay for anyone who had enough interest to stick it out through the first part of my story (pretty long, I know) this is the rest that I have (wouldn't fit in one post). If you make it through both posts then apparantly it must not be too horrible of a story . If you do make it through and care to comment then I thank you and I am glad for any criticism (good or bad)

Destiny was very grateful that she had come upon Tom. She knew if he hadnt been there she would be dead outside of those woods. But she knew her father and she had only gotten away momentarily. He would look for her until he died or killed her. She might have to convince Tome to take her out of town somewhere. She didnt know where she could go but she had to go somewhere fast.

She hadnt paid hardly any attention to him the whole ride into town. She was too busy watching the scenery, but when he went into the store to get clothes she felt like panicking. It was still gloomy outside and she was alone in a little car with her father out there somewhere.

She tried to tell herself to calm down. He was hurt pretty badly but he wouldnt go to the hospital. He always said he didnt trust the prick doctors. They wanted to charge him an arm and a leg for something he could himself at home. He chose to self-medicate. She should have been comforted by the fact that he was slowed down by the scissor wound and probably a lot more booze. But she remembered once, in a drunken rage, he had chased a young neighbor boy off of their property. He was trying to steal hubcaps off of their old Fairlane in the back. The boy had a gun tucked in his pants behind his back. From her bedroom window she watched the boy shoot her father, high on his shoulder.

Her father stopped chasing him and the boy ran off. Victor came inside and got his knife, his medical kit, and a large bottle of whiskey. Roseanne was in their room, probably pretending to read a book; in reality hiding from Victor. She had tried to help him once and ended up getting a black eye and a swollen lip. Destiny cowered under her blankets with her hands stuffed over her ears. She could hear him out there, grunting and moaning and knew he was digging the bullet out with the knife.

A short time later the front door slammed shut and she ran to the window. She saw him going across the field with a shotgun in his hands. The boy was hiding in the field. A shot rang out and she watched her dad drag the boy over by the Fairlane. The police came but her dad didnt get into any trouble. The boy had been stealing hubcaps and had shot Victor so he was defending himself and his property.

Her father was crazy and if a gunshot hadnt stopped him then, a little stab wound wouldnt stop him now. No, he would be after her very soon.

She sat in the quiet of Toms car, contemplating these things and watching him inside the store. He gave her a little wave and she waved back. She wished it were daytime outside. If it didnt look so dark and gloomy outside, maybe she wouldnt be so afraid. Shadows seemed to lurk everywhere. She was afraid maybe her dad might be lurking somewhere. He knew what the car looked like and it was a small town. She began to convince herself that he might find her any minute. A locked car door wouldnt stop him; he could just break out the window. When her dad got his mind on something, nothing stopped him. Destiny knew her only hope would be to get out of town. If she couldnt get Tom to take her out of town then she would have to go on her own. She didnt have any money or any way to get anywhere but she would have to find a way.

Tome came out with and armload of packages. He kept his eye on Destiny while he was inside. She looked nervous. She kept staring out the windows all around the car, like she was expecting to see her dad again. It was a pretty small town and the guy did seem pretty nuts. Injured or not, if he found Destiny or him he would kill them, Tom was sure of it.

He kept his eyes on her as he walked to the car. The kids nervousness was catching. He caught himself looking over his shoulder and looking quickly down the street as he put the clothes in the trunk. He had a creepy feeling, like someone was watching him. He knew it was just paranoia, it had to be. It was nuts that that crazy shit was stalking and watching him, but in the back of his mind that was exactly what he was afraid of. He slammed the trunk and quickly got into the car and relocked the doors.

Now, do you want to head to my place for now, until we can figure out what to do? he asked, trying to sound calm. She just slumped down in her seat and shrugged her shoulders. She looked exhausted. He decided to just head to his place and she could get some rest and he could think of what to do next.

When he got there he parked his car in the driveway in front of the house. It was nothing to brag about, but he didnt rent, he owned it. His parents had split up two years ago and his dad had gotten custody and his mom had moved all the way to California. Tom had gotten emancipated last year after a long year of dealing with his drunken father. He had worked at several summer jobs and had a part-time job after school and he saved every penny he earned. After he moved out of his dads he bought his car and the house.

He got out and went to the passenger side to get Destiny out. She was fast asleep; curled into a ball and sucking her thumb. He picked her up and carried her to the front door. He struggled with his keys, trying not to drop her. She didnt even squirm or mumble. The whole ordeal had worn out her little body.

Once inside, he laid her down on the couch, covered her up, and went towards the kitchen. He turned on his little radio on the counter and tapped his feet to the Beatles. He didnt own a lot but what he did own, he had worked hard for. He had a small TV. on a secondhand stand. He had a large bookcase full of books, mostly Stephen King. He had such a mundane life that the weird tales and heroic journeys were an appealing escape. He had a large, comfortable recliner and a standing lamp right by the bookcase. He would sit, sometimes for hours, reading and imagine that the fantastic and terrifying things in the books were happening to him.

The Beatles changed to the Doors as Tom got a joint from a box in the cupboard. His friend Dave gave him shit all the time about smoking. He said he would probably kill all of his brain cells and turn into a slug or something. Whenever Dave caught him daydreaming about novel adventures he told him that the only adventures a pothead like him would see were in his mind.

So far it had been true. His biggest adventure lately was helping Dave pull his truck out of the mud. But it would all be the same whether he smoked or not so he usually told Dave to blow it out his ass.

Tom had smoked about half of the joint, and was really beginning to feel the effects, when Destiny started kicking around on the couch. She started moaning and screaming No, no, no. Tom snuffed the joint and went into the living room.

The poor girl must have been having a whopper of a nightmare, and who could blame her. The blanket was kicked onto the floor and her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. Destiny, wake up he whispered and nudged her lightly. He didnt want her to wake up too suddenly and freak out, not know where she was. Destiny... he nudged a little harder. He shook her arm a little Des.

Destiny was running and hiding in a never-ending forest. She kept stumbling and falling. The roots and branches seemed to reach out and grab her feet and trip her. Her breath was hot in her lungs and she was so tired. But she heard the boogeyman behind her, crashing through the trees. She knew if she looked back the boogeyman would have her fathers face and he would still have the large, blue handled scissors sticking out of his thigh.

It had had her fathers voice. She could hear him calling her name. Destiny! Get back here! She ran and tripped and his voice and the stomping got closer and closer. She wanted to scream but her throat was hot and painful. Destiny...Des!

She tripped and fell and she heard him a step behind her. She cowered at the base a tree and waited for him to gobble her up. Des he whispered down to her. She looked up and saw the face of Tom instead of her father. She could still hear the crashing close behind her. Run, hes coming.

Run, hes coming. She said it quietly, like she couldnt quite find her voice. Tom knew she was probably still dreaming but she was looking directly into his eyes and the hair on the back of neck prickled up. He actually whipped around and looked behind him and almost expected to see the man with the gaping hole in his leg.

Destiny blinked her still tired eyes and woke up fully to a strange room. Tom was standing in front of her looking anxiously around.

You okay? he asked.

Im fine

Cool. Youre at my place. You were having a bad dream. I was trying to wake you up

I dont remember it She sat up and wrapped herself up in the blanket.

Kinda freaked me out. You said, Run hes coming She just shrugged and huddled a little more in the blankets. Tom ran his hand through his hair as he headed back out to the kitchen to finish his joint. He had a feeling that he would need it before his time with this girl was through. He lit it and turned around and Destiny was standing in the doorway staring at him.

He probably will be coming. Hell see your car outside and hell know Im here. Then hell kill both of us. She talked quietly and matter-of-factly like she had already seen it happen.

Toms joint smoked, momentarily forgotten, in his hand. A chill crept up his back and down his arms. She was absolutely right. The town wasnt that big and his house wouldnt be hard to find, even by chance. His car would be easily recognizable and it was parked right out front. It was like a big red sign saying Come and get me.

He had remembered the maniac who chased after his car. He didnt get a great look at him but it was easy enough to know if he found them he would not hesitate in killing them. Even if he didnt have the girl he would probably kill tom anyway.

He remembered the joint and hit it and tried to think. He didnt have anywhere that he could actually go. It seemed absurd to just start heading for anywhere but hed never been more than hour from this tiny little town his whole life. He couldnt even begin to know where to go.

The kid was still staring at him as he paced his kitchen. Okay he said still pacing. We can get in the car and just head west. Were in the middle of the country so if we go north or south we wont have much distance without leaving the country. Destiny just stared as he paced and thought out loud.

West would probably be warmer than east. If I knew how long I had I could come up with a better plan. He stopped and stared back at Destiny. She looked so small and terrified. Her eyes were begging him to do something quick. His brain rolled around in a fog. The kid was practically begging him to be a better man than he was. She unknowingly wanted him to step out of comfortable little box and step into something straight out of a Stephen King book. FUCK!!!! he blurted.

They both jumped at the sound of the phone on the counter. Tom snatched up the receiver. Hello! he said, a little too forcefully.

Whoa, Tom, whats up? It was Dave.

Dave, God damn man, I am glad to hear from you. I need help, man. You need to get over here right now and bring your Mossberg. Ill explain when you get here, just hurry! he hung up before Dave could interrupt.

Forum: General postings for comment/critique

First couple chapters/novel in progress

sweetsstuff2006 — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 01:53:22 GMT

This is the first couple of chapters or so of a novel I am currently working on. I still have a TON more to write but I would love to get some opinions on how it is so far. I don't have any real chapter breaks yet, I just typed it up from my notebook. I changed it quite a lot from the original version but I the most I did with chapters is to space paragraphs out apart. It is so far untitled.

The small trailer that sat at the end of Cherry Lane was largely ignored by the neighborhood. Visitors sometimes thought it was abandoned. The weeds grew tall all around it. Car parts and a couple of cars themselves were almost swallowed by the jungle in the backyard. Most of the skirting and siding on the trailer was beat up and falling off. The windows were dingy and covered with duct tape in many places.

The roses growing on the side of the trailer were the only outside signs that anyone lived there. The ground around them was clear of all weeds and dead leaves. The flowers were large and fragrant. The little girl that lived there came out almost every day to weed and care for them. Her parents probably didnt even know the roses existed.

No one really saw the girl that much. After school she didnt play outside and no one, if asked, would be able to recall even one other child going to the house. She was often dressed in tattered hand me downs that were usually too small. Her book bag was sewn back together in several places. She was the kind of kid who sits by herself at lunch plays by herself on the playground, praying that no one will push her down or make fun of her. She was the kind of kid who tried as hard as possible to become invisible.

Everyone would genuinely feel sorry for her, if it was brought to their attention. But, honestly, with as bleak and horrible as Destinys life seemed to her, no one around noticed. Sometimes she would see someone looking at her with sad eyes; like they really felt bad but no one ever did anything. She really got the eyes if she was out somewhere with her daddy. He didnt go out much anymore. Not even to the grocery store. He liked to sit at home and watch T.V. and drink beer.

The last time he went down to the store with Destiny he had been drunk, as usual. He had a button-up shirt on, un-tucked and buttoned wrong. His shoes were untied and his hair was a mess. He was trying to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels. He was getting mad and shouting because the clerk wouldnt sell it to him. There were quite a few people gathered around. She saw them all giving her the sad eyes. And each of them, as soon as their eyes lay upon her dad, changed to a look of disgust. Destiny was embarrassed. She hated her dad for being this way. But she hated all of these people too. They all just stood there pitying her, but doing nothing. As soon as they left they would be invisible again.

She had had enough. She put her head and both her hands on her dads legs and started shoving.

Lets go, Dad!

Victor tilted and teetered and almost fell. Whoa, girl. What the hell you doin? he slurred.

Its time to go dad. Destiny kept shoving.

Victor shuffled backward trying to keep his balance. No, no. I need to get my stuff. I need to see this pricks manager, see why the hell he wont sell me my shit!

Come on, Dad. Ill tell mom to come get some. Lets go. S stretched her arms out and pushed.

Hey, theres that motherfucker. Theres the manager. Des, hold, on, let me talk to this prick, get my stuff.

Destiny took a quick look back. The manager stood there with his hands on his hips, glaring at her dad Maybe you ought to listen to your daughter, Vic. You really dont need any more stuff right now.

You dont tell me what I need! This is a store. I come in here, pay for what I want and you give it to me. Youre not my goddamn dad. You cant tell me what I can and cant do! Victors face got red and he wobbled, close to falling over.

Everyone was standing there, staring at them. Most of the ladies had pinched lips and sad eyes. The men were looking at her dad with a heavy hatred that she recognized, too.

Its time to go! She yelled and shoved her dads legs. His arms pin wheeled and his feet rushed to catch up with his body. He got his balance and turned around and Destiny pulled him by his shirt tail.

The whole way home she had to listen to him complain about That prick manager. When they got home he passed out cold in front of the TV.

When Destinys mother, Roseanne, finally came home from work, Destiny usually escaped to her room. She had tons of books and tapes. Music and books were her sanctuary from her family.

She couldnt stand to be around her mother much anymore. She worked long hours at a retirement home, so she wasnt home much. When she was home she acted like everything was perfect. She lived in her own little world most of the time and refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong with her family. Destiny couldnt stand to look at her mothers huge fake smiles.

School was her favorite place to be. She didnt really have any friends but she did well at every subject. They had talked to her mother once about bumping her up to the fourth grade, but she thought it would be best for Destiny to stay where she was. She worked hard and all of the teachers loved her.

The biggest plus about school was she didnt have to spend the day with her dad. Summer was usually horrible. They never had money for vacations so she spent her days watching her dad get drunk and listening to him yell at her.

Night time was the worst. She still slept with her teddy bear and always with the covers pulled tightly over her head. She wasnt afraid of the dark. In fact, if there was any light in her room she couldnt sleep. She wasnt afraid of the boogeyman and she knew there were no monsters under her bed.

Almost every night after the trailer grew dark and quiet she would lay awake, huddled under her blankets, trying to stay awake and listen. She knew the boogeyman didnt exist because the real monsters were more real and scarier than any boogeyman. Sometimes after a couple of hours she would drift to sleep and slip into disturbing dreams.

Other nights, she would hear the footsteps coming down the hall, quietly, to her door. The door would open and the monster would come in and sit on the edge of her bed.

Des he would whisper. Are you awake, Des?

She always pretended she was asleep. She hoped if he thought she was asleep he would just go away, but he never did. He always lowered the blanket to look at her and stroke her hair and whisper what a beautiful girl she was. He would stroke her arms and put his hands under her nightgown. Sometimes he put his fingers inside of her and sometimes he took her hand and put it on himself. He liked to kiss her neck and her small breasts.

He never tried to wake her and he always whispered things to her. He told her often that she was Daddys good little girl. He told her how much Daddy loved her. He usually spent about fifteen minutes and sometimes as much as half an hour, petting and kissing her. Afterwards, she usually cried herself to sleep.

During the day he wasnt as bold. Most of the time she just noticed him watching her with a horrible, hungry look in his eyes. He didnt always watch her like that, but when he did Destiny felt dirty and ashamed. When her mom wasnt around he seemed to watch her even closer. Sometimes he would walk by her and give her a little swat on her butte, or he would walk up behind her to rub her shoulders.

She knew she couldnt tell anyone about the things her dad did. He had never outright threatened her, but he told her once that they had a special relationship and most other people wouldnt understand. He said if she talked to anyone he might get into a lot of trouble and that would make him very angry with her. He said he loved her and he didnt want anyone to ruin their special relationship. He wanted her to be Daddys good little girl. So she kept it a secret from everyone, including her mother.

She knew she couldnt tell her mother anyway. She wouldnt believe her and she would probably be mad at her for accusing her dad of something so horrible. She would probably tell her how much her dad loved her and how he would never do anything so terrible. So she kept their secret and hoped maybe he would get really drunk and kill himself.

The first day of summer vacation began just like any other. Roseanne went to work early in the morning and Victor began drinking about ten minutes later. He had been drinking more and more lately. Usually he could polish off a case of beer a day. Lately he needed two cases and the first was gone by lunch.

Destiny crawled out of bed at ten oclock. It felt great to be able to sleep in. Her dad was sitting in his recliner, passed out and snoring. She went to the kitchen to make a bowl of cereal. There was only one case of beer in the fridge and one extra can on the shelf. The empty box was on the table.

She threw the box in the corner and sat eating her cereal. The light from the small windows didnt seem as bright as it should. The clock on the stove said 10:35, but as she pushed aside the curtain and looked out it looked like the sun hadnt even come out. It wasnt raining yet, but dark, heavy clouds hung low and a slight fog rolled over the ground. In the distance she could see purple lightning racing across the sky.

In the living room, her dad started mumbling in his sleep and tossing in the chair. Nostupid pricklazy shit. He mumbled loudly.

Destiny rolled her eyes and finished her cereal. Hed be waking up soon and hed probably be in a bad mood. There he went again, thrashing more this time. She almost laughed as his arms and legs scissored quickly in the air. The blanket fluttered and flew and he cursed the pricks and almost spilled out of the chair.

Victors eyes flew open and he gripped both sided of the recliner tightly, like he was afraid of falling. Slowly he woke up all the way and settled into the chair. Des, get me a beer he bellowed, clicking through the T.V. channels.

Destiny put her bowl in the sink and fetched his beer. As soon as she handed it to him and turned away his hand came up to smack her butte. Thats my good girl. She stifled a scream and walked back to the kitchen.

She stood at the sink and rinsed out her bowl. She heard a car pull up in the driveway and she looked up, puzzled. It was too early for her mother to be home and no one ever stopped by for a visit.

The ignition cut out and a car door opened and shut. Who the hell is that? her dad asked. The distant thunder rumbled a little louder. The front door opened and Roseanne walked in.

What the hell are you doin home? Victor asked angrily.

Roseanne hung her head and said quietly, They fired me.

Destiny stood at the sink and looked back and forth from her mom to her dad. Daddy didnt say anything, didnt even move. His face just kept getting redder and redder. He put the footstool down and tossed the blanket aside. He sat on the edge of the seat, his hands clamped to the arm rests, slightly behind him.

He fixed his wife with a hateful glare. What the fuck do you mean, they fired you? He was talking low and quiet, which seemed worse than yelling. The veins on his neck and face stood out. Destiny felt trapped in the kitchen. She didnt want to be anywhere near him when he exploded and he was seconds from it now. One wrong word from her mother and he would be up and out of his chair.

Roseanne looked up at him with tears streaming down her face. It wasnt my fault, Victor. They accused me of stealing from one of the patients. It wasnt me, it wasnt my fault.

Destiny and Rose both jumped as thunder rattled the windows in the trailer. Lightning lit up the day and daddy was up with the next thunderbolt. Destiny hid behind the counter as her dad crossed the room to her mom. He grabbed her around the neck and slammed her against the front door. Whatre we gonna do now, Rosie.

Im sorry, Victor. Im so sorry. Her mom blubbered. Destiny heard his hand slap across her face and silence her.

She heard her dad say low and menacingly You shut the hell up, Rose, or I swear I will beat you within an inch of your life.

Destiny risked a quick peek over the counter. Rose had her eyes tightly closed. The skin around Victors hand was an angry red. Lightning flashed and she saw an insane fury in her dads eyes that made her duck back below the counter.

Victor, please, her mother begged hoarsely.

She barely heard him above the coming storm. I said, shut up. Then she heard his hand strike flesh, over and over. Her mother wailed and screamed and begged. The wind picked up outside and shook the little trailer. Thunder shook the windows and her mother stopped screaming. Still she heard him hitting her and grunting. She shoved her hands over her ears. Her father sounded like an animal gone mad. She was afraid to see what had happened to her mom, just because she got fired. If he didnt stop soon she would go crazy.

Des he yelled. Get your ass over here, Des. You need to learn a lesson from your mother about being a good girl.

She opened her eyes and he was standing in front of her, legs apart, hands at his side, dripping blood. The front of his shirt and pants were splattered with it.

I said, get up off that floor and come over here. Now!!

Destiny crawled quickly between his legs and raced around the corner. She slipped in blood oozing over the linoleum. She screamed at the sight of her mother lying there. She was just a bloody heap.

Then her dads face was right next to hers. Be a good little girl and I wont have to do that to you, too.

He walked slowly towards her. He had a crazy look in his eyes. He kept licking his lips and flexing his fists. Dont make me chase you, he whispered. Destiny felt like a trapped animal. She searched for a way out. Her mothers body blocked the front door. The only other way out was the back door. She thought it was probably locked. By the time she got to the door she wouldnt have time to unlock and open it. As soon as she made a move her dad would be after her.

She thought about going to the bathroom. That room had a lock on the door. She could rush in and slam the door and lock it before he got her. But she would be in trouble once she got in there. There was only one window, high on the wall in the shower, and it was too small to get out of. The cheap door didnt have a good lock either and it was flimsy. If she went in there she would be trapped and he would break down the door quickly and kill her.

Dont think about runnin girl. Theres nowhere for you to go. So just get your ass over here like a good little girl, NOW!

Destiny, still on the ground, scuttled backward, slowly, as the monster advanced on her. She thought again of the back door. Maybe she would get lucky and it would be unlocked. Outside, the storm sounded like it was picking up. It would be dark outside and the rain could help hide her and she could run into the woods. She got ready to jump and run and then she noticed her moms sewing bag. It was sitting right next to her and she could see a large pair of scissors right on top.

She looked quickly up at her dad. He was only a couple of feet away. She was backed up against the recliner. He had a wicked smile on his face. He thought he had her caught. Thats a good girl. No sense in runnin. If youre good, I wont hurt you.

He took another step towards her and she reached in the bag and grabbed the scissors. A horrible knowing look came over his face. Dont you dare, he hissed. His eyes were full of fury. Without thinking another second, Destiny thrust out the scissors with all of her might. She let out her breath in a moan of terror.

For a second she just sat and stared at the scissors buried in her fathers thigh. Only the blue plastic handle was showing on this side and she could see a small bit of the blade showing through the other side.

Victor jus stood there staring at the scissors sticking out of his leg. Blood began to ooze around the plastic handle. He jus couldnt comprehend that the little bitch could have done this. It was Impossible. She wouldnt dare. But there was the handle, now dripping blood, and there was the throbbing pain. His muscles started twitching and his leg began to go numb. He looked down at her, huddled on the floor. His blood began to boil. He would make her pay for that. Hed teach her a lesson.

Destiny stared up at him in absolute terror. Her mind kept telling her that this was her chance, run! But she couldnt move. Her father was standing there above her, his face red, a murderous look in his eyes and plastic handles sticking g out of his leg. She watched him grab the handle and begin to yank it out of his leg. He screamed and closed his eyes for a second. That broke her spell and she jumped up and ran as fast as she could for the back door.

Her father let out an inhuman roar and she heard a large thud behind her. She turned the handle; it turned easily, and shoved the door. It wouldnt budge because the deadlock was on. She glanced quickly at her father. He was struggling to stand up, his right leg now covered in blood, remained limp and useless.

She turned back to the door and tried to turn the deadbolt. She couldnt budge it. She remembered, sometimes, her mom had to pull hard on the door while turning the lock. She said the lock was sticky sometimes. She tried not to panic as her dad got to his feet and started shuffling towards her.

You better get you ass over here girl. You need to learn to respect you r elders. Im going to teach you a lesson, you little bitch.

She pulled the door as hard as she could and struggled with the lock. She couldnt figure it out and she felt like she was going to explode. She had never been so scared in her whole life.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and tried to forget, for just one second, about the lurching monster, grunting his way towards her. She heard the lock click open and shoved the door open. She was hit instantly with cold wind and rain. She ran down the stairs and went as fast as her legs would carry her, towards the woods.

The pain Victors leg was white-hot and intense. Blood had caked over the hole, but it still trickled down his leg. The little bitch was at the back door. She was fumbling with the deadbolt. Hell, he could barely get that unlocked some days. There was no way shed get it. A sinister smile spread across his face.

He leaned against the wall to support his ruined leg and started towards her. He took his time. He knew the scrawny little wimp would never get that lock. When he got to her, he wanted to take hi time, make sure she really learned her lesson. He wanted to make her suffer slowly.

She looked over at him, like a rat caught in a trap with a hungry cat nearby. She looked back at the door and he heard a loud click. Then she was gone, out the door and into the pouring rain. He rushed over, as fast as he could with his bum leg, and peered out. The rain was too heavy to see her, but he knew shed be heading for the forest.

Destiny ran, in her bare feet, through the soaked fields. She could see the trees, just up ahead when the lightning struck. She was still in her pajamas and the wind and rain froze her to the bone. She felt sticks and rocks jab at her feet. Her lungs were on fire, but she ignored all of that and ran for her life.

Once she got under the cover of the trees the rain wasnt as hard. She ran a little longer and ducked behind a tree. Her heart was pounding in her ears and every breath set her chest on fire.

She peeked around the tree and didnt see anything. It was hard to hear over the storm, but she didnt think her dad was behind her. He probably couldnt see which way she ran through the rain. With his leg he wouldnt get far anyway.

She leaned her head back against the tree and tried to relax for a moment. She needed to think of what to do next. She couldnt sit in the forest in pajamas. She knew he would find a way to come after her and she had to be gone when he got here.

Des, where the hell are you? Destiny jumped at the sound of his voice. He had found her sooner than she thought possible.

Victor didnt really feel the pain in his leg anymore. He didnt really feel anything at all below his hip. The rain had washed away a lot of the blood and it had finally stopped bleeding. His muscles were very stiff and he drug his leg straight out behind him.

He concentrated on lurching towards the tree line. The ground was getting soupy and his good leg was getting tired quickly. But he knew the little bitch had gone into the woods. When she went out to play it was her favorite place. She probably thought she would be safe there. He would show her how wrong she was. He would teach her what happened to bad little girls who hurt their daddies. When he was done no one would find her.

Destiny plastered herself to the side of the tree. She tried not to move or breathe. He was only about ten feet away. He was breathing very heavily and grunting and moaning like an animal. She was afraid he might smell her out like a wild dog. She swore she could hear him sniffing and listening. He was looking for her and was going to find her if she didnt move. But she was paralyzed with fear.

Once Victor got into the woods the trees blocked the rain and he could see a little better. It was still dark, though, and he squinted through the darkness, watching for any movement. He walked slowly and carefully, listening. He knew she had to be in here. She had to be close by. He didnt give her time to get far. But didnt hear her or see her.

His leg was starting to ache now. Without the cold numbing rain it throbbed all over his entire leg, from his hips to his toes. Every time he took a step splinters of pain shot over his whole body. Each pain and burn reminded him who did this to him. He wont let her get away. He could feel her close by. He would wait for her to show herself, even if it meant he might pass out.

Then on his left, about fifteen feet away he saw a flash of pink fly through the trees. He grinned and took off after her.

Finally, Destiny decided that she just had to run. He was hurt so she could probably outrun him. There was a highway not too far from here. If she could run there she might see someone to help her.

Before she lost her nerve she pushed off form the tree and ran without looking back. She flew over trees and dodged branches. She could hear him cursing and crashing through the underbrush behind her.

She ran as fast as she could, trying to escape the monster. As she ran her mind tried to keep up. It was the first day of summer vacation; she had just finished a nice bowl of cereal less than an hour ago. She had planned to tend to her roses today. Now, her mother was dead, she had stabbed her dad and now she was running for her life.

Her mind swam with all of these things as her body continued to run through the forest. It felt strange, almost like watching herself from above. She barely noticed when the soft forest floor changed to hard pavement and bright lights washed over her dirty, horrified face, and she didnt really hear the screeching of brakes and the blaring of the car horn.

Thomas was driving along listening to the local rock station. Thoughts of summer occupied his mind. Tonights plans included a killer party at his friend Steves house. Steve always threw the best end of school parties. He had dressed in his best clothes and even put on a little cologne to impress Carol, his current crush. He wasnt exactly paying as much attention to the road as he should, as most teens with parties on their mind tend to do. When a young girl darted out into the road he almost plowed right over her. He slammed on his breaks at the last second and blared on his horn. He threw it into park and jumped out to confront the idiot kid.

Hey kid! he yelled. What are you doin in the middle of the road?!

He stomped over to where she stood totally ignoring him. He was about to yell again when he got a good look at her. She was soaking wet and dressed in her pink pajamas. Why the hell was she even outside when it had been storming anyway, he thought. He also noticed that she had a vacant look in her eyes that kind of scared the pants off of him.

Hey, kid he said a little softer this time. Are you O.K.?

Destiny came back to herself a little and looked up the boy standing in front of her. His car was only about five feet in front of her. His driver side door was still open and Destiny dashed to the car and climbed into the passenger seat. The boy came over and stood there looking at her, confused.

What are you doing? he asked her.

We have to get out of here Destiny told him quickly.

We dont have to do anything he said. You have to get out of my car and get back home.

I cant she said in a panicky, almost screech. Hes coming; I have to get out of here. Please help me she begged him.

Whos coming? What are you talking about kid?

Just get in and drive and Ill tell you, please. We have to hurry.

Thomas stood looking at the girl, a little more than irritated, but the kid really did look scared. Maybe she really did need some help. Against his better judgment he got behind the wheel, and started to drive away. He was really annoyed that he would probably miss the party now. He was going to have to go down to the police station and get the girl some help. Maybe he could still make it, though. He would just drop this girl there and let them deal with her. Just because he was stupid enough to pick her up didnt make her his responsibility.

He wasnt driving very fast and had only made it maybe ten feet before the girl started to look very frantic. She was staring out the back window. Drive faster she screeched.

What Something hit the back of his car. He looked in the rearview and saw a huge man with blood streaked on his face and his clothes. He was running to keep up with the car and trying to grab his back bumper.

Shit!! Thomas roared and slammed his foot on the gas pedal. The car shot forward and the crazy man was left behind.

Who the hell was that? Thomas screamed. What the hell is going on here? He didnt really want to yell at a little kid, especially one who looked like she was already traumatized, but now he was scared and confused and he just wanted to make sense of things.

That was my dad, she said very softly.

And he was chasing you because?

Because hes crazy and drunk. He killed my mom and now he wants to kill me.

Wait a minute, wait just a damn minute here! He killed your mom? Are you serious? What the hell? he was in shock at this new information. He just didnt know how to react to something like that. He had been driving to a great party, getting ready to enjoy a great summer and now he had a kid with a killer father in his car. He was only seventeen; he didnt need these kinds of problems. But now that he had them he had to think about what to do about the girl. He had to do something to help keep her away from her psycho dad. First off, he couldnt keep thinking of her as the girl.

Whats your name? he asked her.

Destiny Lynn Moon she replied.

And how old are you Destiny Lynn Moon?

Nine. Ill be ten in three months she answered proudly.

Great, nine years old and running from your psychotic father. I suppose we need to think about what to do with you next. Do you have any family nearby? she simply shook her head. Okay, is there anywhere that I can take you that youd feel safe? Silence from the passenger seat.

He drove on in silence for a bit. The rain was starting to let up, but thunder and lightning still occasionally lit up the still dark sky. Tom had a bad feeling. He always hated stormy days anyway. Now he had a horrible feeling that he might have just fallen into a whole butt load of trouble.

He looked over at her sitting there in her pink pajamas and bare feet. The heater in the car worked well so she looked mostly dry now. She wasnt shivering any more, but she stared intently out the window, like she was looking for something. She was probably expecting her dad to pop up and yank her out of the still moving car. Poor kid.

He debated over taking her to the police department. He was sure that this girl had an insane story to tell. She probably had a lifetime of abuse and fear and now murder. The man he saw coming after his car was capable of anything. He really didnt want to get involved in something that outrageous. The cops were trained to take care of situations like this.

On the other hand, if he took her there they would probably stick her in a home somewhere and she would bounce around foster homes. One of best friends was a foster kid and he was probably going to end up in prison someday. This poor girl was already a wreck. Shed probably become autistic or something if she got thrown into the foster care system.

He looked over again at the poor, pathetic girl in his passenger sear. He really wanted to help her but he just graduated high school and this was a mess he wasnt sure he wanted to get into.

If you want I could take you to my place. You could get cleaned up and get some rest. Maybe tomorrow we can go talk to the cops or something. He looked over to see if she would answer him. She looked over at him and tried to smile. It was the saddest smile he had ever seen. Okay she said quietly and turned back to the window.

Tom reached the outskirts of town and thought about the dirty pajamas and no shoes that Destiny was wearing. He probably had enough spare cash to get her something from the store. God knew he didnt have anything at his house that would fit her.

He parked the car in front of a kids outlet store. Will you be all right to wait in the car? I want to get you some clothes and they probably wont let you come in like that. She looked at him anxiously. Look, I wont take long and they have a big window in front, so youll be able to see most of the time She looked up at the front of the store and then back at him.

Okay she said softly.

Tom took the keys out of the ignition. Lock the doors when I get out, if you want. Ill be quick I promise. He got out and headed for the store. He took a quick look back and Destiny looked like she expected her father to jump out at her at any minute. He had never seen anyone as petrified as that little girl. He quickened his pace to the door.

Forum: General postings for comment/critique

KInderballet- true short story

emmysinger — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 23:29:38 GMT

Kinderballet

It was that one Kinderballet class that started it all. It started my life as an Irish Dancer. It started some of my longest friendships. It started my tendency to stubbornly refuse to do anything I didnt want to do.

I had been to this class before and it had been determined that I was not the most cooperative student. However, generally four year olds are not the most cooperative people in the world so I should have been cut a little slack. But Mrs. Ballet Teacher was not very good at cutting slack.

It wasnt really my fault I got kicked out of ballet class. It wasnt my fault that we were doing the most boring exercises in the world. It wasnt my fault that Mrs. Ballet Teacher like Hanna better than me and let her pick all the exercises just because she had a broken arm. It was also not my fault that I was an uncooperative four year old.

Apparently, even uncooperative four year olds were not allowed to throw ballet shoes at people during class. It would have been nice if someone had told me that. Apparently, uncooperative four year olds who threw ballet shoes at people during class didnt get to come back. It would have been nice if someone had told me that.

Pretty soon, I found myself being carried out of the building kicking and screaming by my own mother. She wouldnt even buy juice from the vending machine like we got every day after class. That was the worst punishment of all.

You can take another class in January, when youre older, My mom told me.

Four months later, I found myself standing in the old classroom that was used for Irish Dance classes. We were in two lines facing each other doing drills. My new dance teacher Patty Ann walked down between the two lines to tell us who we were supposed to dance across from. Emily, she said, you are partners with Jessica; and Kasie, she said, talking to the girl standing next to me, you can dance with a ghost (there was an odd number that day). Kasie grinned at me, and then we started laughing uncontrollably. Patty Ann just rolled her eyes and walked away.

And that started it all. It started my life as an Irish dancer. It started some of my longest friendships. It started my tendency to stubbornly refuse to do anything I didnt want to do. It started the rest of my life.

Forum: General postings for comment/critique

Short story for critique - western/science fiction

Cochise — Thur, 21 Aug 2008 22:13:02 GMT

Barry Shrapnel 1997

'A Question of Ethics' is a work of fiction, and any resemblance between the fictional characters and real persons living or dead is unintentional and coincidental.

A QUESTION OF ETHICS

It was hot. Archibald Baxter and the lieutenant crouched behind the dead horse. Then the woosh of an arrow, and a piercing scream. The lieutenant clawed at his face, an arrow protruding from his eye. A second arrow slid through his neck, cutting off the scream. He fell, gurgled, and was still.

An Indian charged out of a bush to Archibalds left. The troopers fired; the Indians head disintegrated, spraying Archibald with gore. The firing of hundreds of rifles hit the Indian - his body jerked and twitched as the bullets continued to smack into it, tearing it to pieces. Archibald wiped bits of bone and brain from his face.

"Some of them do that," a sergeant said. "Thinks attacking alone gives him great honour. He died for nothing."

Archibald studied the huge Indian camp across the river at the bottom of the hill 1000 metres away. They would come soon, he thought. The urine spread over his crotch.

He waited for death, and remembered how he had ended up here, in Montana, fighting for General Custer at the Battle of the Little Big Horn in 1876.

* * *

Just a mere seven hours before, on April 17, 2283, Archibald had ridden his horse on to the time machine platform in the Edification building in Philadelphia. He was dressed in a United States cavalry uniform.

Today he would pass the Ethics Test and succeed his father as the Controller. Archibald was proud of his heritage. One hundred years ago the Great Chaos had come, and America had abandoned democracy and turned to the enlightened rule of the Controllers. The country was now safe.

The Assessor approached. "Are you ready?" he asked.

Sweat trickled down the hairs in Archibalds left armpit, dripping onto his torso. It itched. "I am ready," he said.

"When you arrive in the past, you will be monitored by an invisible camera placed one millisecond outside our dimension. We will see and hear you, but the structure of space-time forbids communication between us."

Archibald picked up the horses reins. "Activate," he said. The time machine hummed . . .

* * *

Archibald was alone, somewhere near Yellowstone Park. He opened his saddle bag as he had been instructed and read the test:

"Over the northern rise is the 7^th cavalry, soon to engage the Sioux at the Little Big Horn. Your other saddle bag contains an electron gun. It will enable you to defeat either side, or both. What do you do now?"

Easy, Archibald thought: Ill help the Native Americans, the soldiers were the bad guys.

He rode over the rise. Five soldiers stood near the remains of a burnt out settlers wagon. Archibald dismounted.

"Tie up that animal," a soldier said, "and help us bury this family."

The settlers had been horribly mutilated: the mans genitals were removed and stuffed in his mouth. The womans sexual parts had been set on fire. The babys feet and hands were cut off.

"I use the scrotums of all Indians I kill for tobacco pouches," a soldier said. He threw Archibald a shovel. "Start digging."

The burial detail was Archibalds re-education. The emotion of the moment made him forget that in all history the whites had been more brutal than the Indians. Archibald decided to fight for the soldiers . . .

* * *

And so now, here I am, Archibald thought, waiting to die, cowering behind this dead horse. And death was certain. His horse had been shot out from under him, the animal had fallen on his electron gun, and the weapon had vaporised. Archibald reloaded his Army Colt.

There was an isolated whoop from the Indian camp, then another, then a swell of sound rising toward the soldiers: "Hoka Hey - Hoka Hey - Hoka Hey." The tremolo of a multitude of Indian women encouraging their warriors rose out of the river gorge. The shrill squeal of thousands of bone-whistles was added to the ear-stabbing chorus.

"Form up," an officer shouted.

Custers Indian scouts began singing their death songs.

The troops dismounted, each soldier holding his horse by the bridle. The men readied their weapons and formed a line. The shouting of the Indians became a roar.

A dust cloud rolled over the crest of the hill in front of them, an advance guard for the murderous horde behind it. The cloud enveloped the 7^th Cavalry.

The wave of Indians slammed into them, and the dust cloud covered Archibald in a cocoon of death. He became surrounded by a swirling cacophony of screaming, hitting, shooting and the crunching of men under hooves.

An Indian appeared through the dust cloud, Archibald struck him with the side of his revolver.

A painted face appeared, horrible in streaks of red and yellow. A war club descended . . .

* * *

George Baxter turned off the view screen. Watching his older brother Archibalds skull being turned into mush by that Indian had been extremely pleasurable.

George turned his wheel chair around and manoeuvred out of the viewing room. He smiled - he would be the next Controller now that Archibald was dead.

His plan was simple - everyone knew that going back in time to the real past and returning had been proven too dangerous. Only going to alternate dimensions was safe.

So George simply broke into Time Building and set the time machine to send Archibald back into the real Old West, not the alternate one. The public thought the Time Master responsible for the screw up - and wanted blood. George would oblige them.

He pushed himself down the corridor and into the torture room. The Assessor stood waiting, ready to touch the switch that operated the torture device. On that device the Time Master lay. He was on his back, naked and restrained, with his mouth gagged. George wheeled closer and shot him through the left kneecap. The Time Master didnt flinch.

"Brave," the Assessor observed.

George swung around and scowled at the Assessor, then turned and faced the prisoner. "You, Time Master, were careless: Archibald died because you sent him to the real 1876. You will die."

The Time Master mumbled frantically into his gag.

George ripped the tape off the prisoners mouth. "Zap him."

The Assessor pushed a button. Current flowed through wires attached to the Time-Masters penis and nipples. The man screamed and passed out.

A meat-frying odour filled the air. "He soon wont have a dick left," George said, "itll be frizzled like a sausage."

"Let me give him a lethal jolt now," the Assessor said.

"Give me the answer to the Ethics Test first."

"Very well. Archibald should have stopped the battle with the power he had. He didnt. So, if we could have brought him back, he would have been executed. You see, he chose to help the soldiers, and that only helps the endless circle of human retribution and violence continue."

George was suddenly sick of all the bull shit. "Kill the Time Master," he said.

The Assessor slapped the unconscious Time Master awake, then applied maximum voltage. It took the Time-Master a long time to die. He screamed very loud. George had to use ear-plugs.

THE END

Forum: General postings for comment/critique