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Location Seattle Comments: I'm also in one of those situations where I have a friend who is leaning on me for support with a problem. Now just six months ago we had a blow out because she had been continually bending my ear and involving me in the situation between her and a man she was seeing. She rambled on and on for months on end, stayed at my home when he did her wrong and obsessively discussed every detail of their relationship. If I went out with other friends she'd track me down and cry on my shoulder or call me during the business day and ramble on and on. Over time I came to loathe this man for the pain he was putting her through. (much the way I hate what addiction has done to me and the people I care about). But apparently my friend only wants to complain and talk about the problem- she doesn't truly want recovery from it! Every time he calls she's right back at it and then I'm the dirty dog for detesting him!  So over time I began distancing myself from her. It's been months since I've had to listen to her drama and I've been much happier. Two days ago I was at my office and she pulled in. Once again she began telling me about this horrible man and what he had now done to her. I think we're on year four of this by now and in the meantime he's had a child with another woman. I wanted to scream!  Yet I did not possess the ability to say "Just stop it- I don't want to hear it". I should of at least remained silent while she droned on for over an hour- but I couldn't help but nod my head and say "you don't have to take that!" After she left I wanted to slap myself silly. I know as sure as I'm typing this that they'll be back together in a couple of weeks and then once again she'll be angry and resent me for having agreed that he was a jerk? Why, oh why did I do it?!I guess my point is that there's a fine line between being supportive and a co-conspirator in someone elses dysfunction. I find lately that I don't have a lot of tolerance for excuses or people who refuse to take the necessary actions yet still want to play the role of the victim. I think it was CJ who mentioned the other day that if you don't want to have a slip- then you should at least be seeking out the appropriate tools to at least set up roadblocks. Get that cash out of your hand! Close that Pay Pal account. Get Gamblock. Insist on being paid by auto deposit instead of cash. Band yourself from the casino. Turn over your finances to another. Consider GA meetings. Get a sponsor. If that doesn't work- consider a treatment facility. I know that none of these tools will ever completely take away the ability to gamble. Where there's a will there's a way and if we're going to do it- we'll find a way. But the tools definitely make it more difficult and can prevent us from acting impulsively. They also provide evidence that you are willing to more than just cry or complain. Early on in my recovery the mention of anther's slip would make me crazy inside. Every time I read it I felt like the odds were stacking up against me. That in time I too would fall. And I did. But anymore- I don't count the days. Like Brenda mentioned in her great post the other day- I count the dollars I've saved by just not being there today! And all those other days since coming to this site. Now if I were a bettin gal- I'd wager I will slip again one day. It's the reality of what we're up against really. Still- it is our responsibility not to over-burden others and act on our behalf.
Last Day You Placed A Bet 7-14-08 Location WI Comments: Hi friends in recovery, No bets for me today, though I must admit I have been missing some machines... I'm off work until next wednesday, so with the extra time comes the extra temptation. It is rather frustrating not having any money, still living paycheck to paycheck but the loss is not due to recent gambling, but to paying off debts caused by past gambling. I swear, I keep wishing for that quick fix that will never come...I miss having money to splurge with and have fun with the kids. My daughter is begging for a car so badly, and I keep thinking of all the times I had the money to help her get a car, and how foolishily I pissed it away, makes me feel bad inside. About all the worries about people reading posts because of googled email addresses- I really don't care if anyone reads this- I sure as heck didn't care when people saw me in casinos all night losing thousands of dollars, I was known to be a CG so at least now, if anyone who knows me reads my posts, they will know that I am finally getting help! I haven't been going to GA mtgs, I will again try next week. I know it's more than just quitting, but it should be recovery. I'm also dealing with lonliness, after the years I lost friends, and anyone I did deal with still gambles, not a lot in common anymore, or if I did choose to hang with them, I might have a slip up. Especially now that I'm so vulnerable because my mind keeps saying I can control it- I'll only spend forty dollars or so.... Got to stay away. I'll be 35 in October, sure wish I could meet someone special in my life that of course doesn't gamble and could fill this empty void in my life. I unfortunately still have major trust issues after divorcing my X husband, and not sure how to open up to anyone. My man used to be a slot machine, and now that he's gone I don't have much else to look forward to. Wishing all another 24 hours gamble free, and remember if I can stay away, we all can stay away! WTG Mag, snow, Connie, sandra, phyliss and the rest of the family on SH. YSIR Kelly
Last Day You Placed A Bet June 04/02 and Gratefullllllllll Location 'Clouded Over..South Western ONt..Canada Comments:     ''Hi Allllllllll . Harborites''... Sandra R here, a compulsive gambler (action mode- dead') 'Thought 'Mode- is ''follow the 'thought through to the '''last Consequence'.. ''KERSPLATTIE MODE'.... . Iffen that don't stop .yah  . then maybe 'a set up is happening '.. .. fueled by ''money in 'reach ?. feelings 'getting overwhelming .?? triggered- by the 'drive by's..=Venues'....or just maybe . .where I got at one time.........Life was better , and 'it felt like,,,,,,,,that was not so 'bad'...  ah...........KERSPLATTIE'.. ..''Sabotage mode '  '. now that was a 'sneaky one... for me.. ''I did not feel it 'was going to last'. (or this is toooo good to last . so ''why not''.. eh ??. ... Took me awhile to Pass through that one.. ,,,I guess -'simple would be to say........''I WAS NOT WORTH HAVING A BETTER LIFE'....''Today I can look back  and see all those 'Phases 'that""" 'Daily"", I felt-,thought -, and struggled with..... Today the 'Fight is Over. '.. There is no more 'Struggling'.. ....''Self Esteem Mode'''.. gave me... ''I was Worthy". ''Every Day is a new Day with a new set of 'Hours'.. ,, for me.. ''There are moments when I felt like my 'get up go "/ got'' up and left'..  --Today upon rising ''that 'was how I felt'.. '''Now there ''was ''laid out plans 'in the ''agenda 'list'..  ''So venting to my 'main squeeze' .. Helped.. ;but the (no 'energy ) remained... (I even 'took my sugar reading ) =5.1 (A-ONe)........ okay ....my body is tired.... .. simple deduction..=nothing to 'analyse'.. ..''That is 'another mode that I don't anaylse the 'crap out of.. ''Simple for me..!!!! ''NOW'''-- it was not always , like that'...as I , look back at ''Night' Before''......''No chaos...NO Police.. NO bad news (via phone).. No ''creditors ''at break of dawn phoning.. ''. no ''hidden bills....No ''lies to cover up the 'night before's actions.. ..''Heck I read a 'Novel'.. , quiet..Mode'.. ''So..'' .. I accepted- I was 'tired.. So ''.. get what can be done... and 'then 'relax '..my thinking..''Tasks done'.. am home now. . 'even completed laundry ''chores. (always 'washing at my house, ). Bills paid.. 'monies allotted for '''this 'months payments'.. ' ..Enjoyed lunch with ''main squeeze''... still feel,, tired,, ... ahhhhhhh Nap Mode is coming .. .. Maybe that 'book I purchased to read . (suspense novel) can wait........ til later.. ''All through my errands of shopping.. ''bill paying.. in my mind came a thought ......of ' ''''''''''God it's nice "not" to be ''Gambling''''''''. cuz I remember when ,,,feeling 'tired' like this ''It was because I had nothing left to shop or ''pay a darn thing'..$$$ money was spent .. ''So for me........those 'feelings can ''be ''JUST FEELINGS''.. without putting a -'must be '? or something - is wrong? ,, thought 'attached to it'.. am tired...so 'what does tired do '''''''''''''TAKEs A NAP'''''''... ..----------Rope of Hope ---------I passed and still pass through 'times of feeling'.. ''Accept.. Don't neglect'..my ''Feelings''.. Sharon'g .. sounds good to me./.. defining borders .. with ''boundaries... of ones own worth'.. ''John h.. Mag/Kathy..Phyllis... ..CJ.. Carole... bob.. dave of b'. connie... Ken..L.. deny.. brends.....farawayeyes44.. bacz..3 months..'Heck '' all 852'....>< Stay STrong..Stay SAfe.. Stay Connected..>< ''Sandra gams5...  p/s am still tired..
Last Day You Placed A Bet 4/19/08 Comments: Morning all... Random thoughts. First off I want to thank Garry for sharing his story so openly with us. And thanks for the comment about unconditional love. I'm so glad you had it with all you've been through. It really is hard to do your part without people helping, sticking by you and being supportive. You really made me think about my recovery relationships, as did Connie. To think about how I am with my friends, and especially those on the recovery path. Do I only lift them up, without worrying about the outcome? That is truly what I strive for. I have a friend who is an alcoholic who has made some attempts at recovery but hasn't quite gotten "it" yet. He emailed me the other day that he has been drunk for weeks, told his boss who basically said he had to go (they are service workers). So he's home nearby with his parents drying out. Now, I really had to think about how to respond to him wanting to see me. I had to figure out how to be a friend...without coddling but also without telling him what I think he should do (at this point he KNOWS what needs to happen), and without damaging my own recovery because I can't be around active addicts. Man! It's kinda hard to figure out that stuff out, partly because I know how horrible he feels. I've had plenty relapses of my own so I feel like, who am I to be judgmental about this. But I decided I have to protect myself, care about both of us by setting a boundary. Finally I just said I would love to see him, but he has to be sober. Feels weird, but right. Hey snow...I never get tired of Day 1. I have a bucket full of Day 1s and I used to worry about what people felt about that too. It wasn't until I stopped worrying about what Other People think of me and thought more of myself that Day 1 became full of promise, redemption and hope. Glad to hear the Mich conference went so well. I always respected what happens at conferences in terms of recovery, but never thought about all the work that goes into making them happen until we had the conference here. Well done, Chris and everyone else involved. CJ...gambling is theft by consent...yikes! Thanks for that. Last thing. As I'm scrolling throught the 851 names (by now) on The List of people who have posted here, I get a very weird reaction. It's like I can feel all those people. Sometimes it's OK, but sometimes I have to scroll by very quickly and not look at the names cuz it's too much. Isn't that strange? Alright. Enough is enough. Later.
Last Day You Placed A Bet march 6/2002 Comments: (((JOHNH)))thank you.. ((((TESS)))thanks for removing the posts..(((Sharong))everyone..a very wise friend of mine said, If you dont want something repeated, dont tell it..very wise words. Have a good 24 
Last Day You Placed A Bet 12/22/06 Location flint mi Comments:
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Comments: Step forwardA thousand disappointments in the past cannot equal the power of one positive action right now. Go ahead and go for it. If you've previously told yourself that it can't be done, this is the moment to change your assumption. When you can dream it, imagine it and visualize it, you can do it. Instead of making excuses, make some progress. Instead of looking back with regret, step forward with enthusiasm. Choose to define yourself based on the person you know you can become. Choose to see your life in terms of the best of what is possible. If you focus too much on the past, you'll be held back by limitations that may no longer even exist. Instead, look forward with positive expectation, and you'll find yourself quickly moving in a forward direction. A new, fulfilling reality is calling to you. Step forward right now, and begin to make it happen. -- Ralph Marston
Location Saskatchewan Comments: I LOVE TODAY'S REFLECTION! It speaks of prayer. I believe that there is much power in prayer. I use to pray only when all else failed. I wasn't much of a believer when I was gambling. I figured if there really was a GOD that HE didn't want any part of me because of where my life was heading. Where was this GOD that others talked about???? He sure wasn't anywhere near me. That being said, the following really had an impact on me.................. Footprints In The Sand One night a man had a dream He was walking along the beach with the LORD Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: One belonging to him, and the other to the LORD When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and sadest times of his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it: "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The LORD replied: "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then, that I carried you." written by Mary Stevenson I got great comfort in this and still do to this day when I feel alone or when am struggling with something. Wishing (((ALL))) a gamble-free 24! bye now CJ
Comments: August 28 Reflection for the Day "Prayer does not change God" wrote Soren Kierkegaard, "but it changes him who prays." Those of us in the Gamblers Anonymous Program who've learned to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we'd turn down sunshine, fresh air, or food - and for the same reason. Just as the body can wither and fail for lack of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God's reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere of His grace. Do I thank the God of my understanding for all that He has given me, for all that He has taken away from me, and for all that He has left me? Today I Pray Dear Higher Power: I want to thank you for spreading calm over my confusion, for making the jangled chords of my human relationships harmonize again, for putting together the shattered pieces of my Humpty Dumpty self, for giving me as an abstinence present a whole great expanded world of marvels and opportunities. May I remain truly Yours. Yours truly. Today I Will Remember Prayer, however simple, nourishes the soul.
Location paraphrased, courtesy of Jim A Comments: Make Peace With Yourself - We are important to ourselves. A recovering person showed his sponsor a list of everyone to whom he would make amends, and was told the list was incomplete. He was perplexed. How could the sponsor know whom he had offended? 'You forgot to put yourself at the top of the list,', the sponsor said. Even if we were totally isolated, and had never harmed anyone else, compulsive gambling certainly harms ourselves. All the amends in the world are inadequate for full recovery unless we realize that we have no right whatever to damage ourselves. Coming into recovery , we may not feel very good about ourselves. The most brilliant and dazzling diamond does not look beautiful when it is first drawn from the mine. It needs to be polished so that its beauty and value can be perceived and appreciated by all. That must happen in recovery. We must make amends to ourselves for having injured something so valuable as ourselves.
Comments: Is there a way to get your email address OFF of google?
Last Day You Placed A Bet 4/19/08 Comments: Hey folks, Quickly scanned the posts for a few days...been busy as it's practically the first day of school. I've been watching my procrastinating habit for the last few weeks, and criminy...no wonder I was so stressed out! I will create better habits for this school year, which I've already started by saying, "Nope, sorry, can't do that". And whaddaya know? The world did not stop spinning! On another note, a friend of mine DID google my email name. Not to be a weirdo or anything, he just thought it was some foreign language term and wanted to look it up. Yeah, he's that guy. Anyway, it brought him right to the SH archives. Now, I don't really care who reads my posts and had already told him I'm a compulsive gambler so it didn't matter. Besides, anyone can land here from anywhere in cyberspace and read posts, they don't have to sneak in some back door. In fact, that's how most of us got here. But people should just be aware of that. And some are, which is probably why they lurk. Sisterly, Sharon (who did not gamble through the summer. Thank you, God)
Last Day You Placed A Bet Feb 26, 2008 Location Saskatoon Comments: Good evening everyone. Just stopped in to read a few posts to help make my day. Congrats to all with a bit of sucess today, and positive attitudes towards hope for abstenence. Together ODAAT we will all succeed. No bets for Bob today, and for that I am gratefull.Another 24 to all Hugs from Bobb a cg from Saskatoon
Last Day You Placed A Bet 07/07/08 Location Minnesota Comments: This is my half hour for myself off of Dave's list that I so enjoy reading. I read each and every post each and every day and get so much out of them. I try to write down some things that people write so that I can go back to them and read them when I feel the need. Today, there were 2 that I have written in my little CG notebook, and so well said by Gams and Connie. "The more I learn the less I know." (so very true) "My recovery must come before what anyone else thinks of me." (Amen) So, thank you again and again for the posts. They are so helpful to an old newbie like me who has gambled most of her life away, but I am looking towards retirement in a different light than I looked at it 51 days ago. No, retirement is not even remotely near, as all of our retirement funds that could be accessed have been accessed and are helping whoever casinos help with their profits, but it doesn't hurt to think about it, one can dream. It is a good thing I love my job. Enough rambling, thank you Safe Harbor posters for making my 1/2 hour for myself so very educational and helpful. Still, Kathy, a compulsive gambler, working on recovery ODAAT.
Comments: '''Kimbers '' '''WTG... '''Norman --Welcome to Safe Harbor'... '' as your name is new 'to our 'LIst'''' who 'log on '.. as I 'scrolled.. through them.. ''IN fact the List is ''851'' .. now ''852.when updated 'again'. ''Welcome...''A catylst ''- , causes a change ''or direction in anothers search .. of ''what ever..thought process needs a looking at ''.'' 'Idiot 'struck a chord,, ,,,so I ''got my dictionary out'.. '' Thankyou .. .. I am always ''looking to see 'if my perception of certain words,, is ''proper grammar.. Of course most-- it exposes 'slang''..labels, or adjectives .or ''where it 'was born... ......like idiot box,, which is the television'.. darn-- 'I must be an idiot to watch it..... ..''but;; ' I did ''google. my thingy..  ''Curious CG here.. Nuttin showed up.. ..''YOu know though , I did call myself an 'idiot '', stupid.. bad.. moron.. just plain.. 'bad''........all wordy -''labels.. '' "when" I was ''gambling '' .. '''as my ''schemes -''''plans to ''win'' failed me''. I thought it was my ''lack of skills .. intelligence... smarts.. 'or ''loser mode'.. that ''were ''my faults.. ..'Addiction was the ''Problem..'' to compulsive gambling.. that caused me ''hardships- self directed.. ''.''Off to continue in my day .. early afternoon so far.. and it is going well..... ...including some,,,,,,more knowledge as I study up on-- 'Dementia'.. another mind '''altering 'affect ''but . associated with 'aging'.. conditions / medical.. ''The more I learn the 'less I know'.. Amen.. Sandra gams5..
Last Day You Placed A Bet June 13th 2002 Location Ottawa Canada Comments: Well Said Connie WTG My recovery must come before what anyone else thinks of me.
Location Seattle Comments: The last few days I've spent time with my best friend. The first day we just went for a walk around the little lake here in town. Of course I had my 6 year old in tow and she was throwing rocks, chasing ducks and making noise the entire time. My friend just talked and talked. Several times she began to sob and fought back tears. The first day we only spent a hour and a half together- but she said "I feel better already. I guess I just needed to tell someone and get it out of my system". There was more talk yesterday as we walked along the river trail that I used to run in my younger years. This time we were alone and she was in a notable better mood. Now there was brainstorming about what changes she could make to start getting her life where she wanted it. She was now also able to truly tell me what had actually happened that had started the decent into her break down. It was an incredibly inconsiderate action on her kinda-sorta boyfriend's part that had left her feeling very mocked, looked over and pathetic. She had felt so humiliated by his actions and yet could not bring herself to confront him or express her feelings. So instead, she had been sitting home alone over the entire weekend thinking about it and the rage and pain had escalated inside. It's important to unburden the soul. No matter how humiliating or embarrassing. No one needs to walk around with a four alarm twister in their stomach! Some mighty awful things have happened to me in this year. Very little of it actually came out of my gambling- but the lack of savings was definitely a contributing factor. And that lack of savings came directly from pissing it away in slot machines years before. Although I have not told many people my whole story- I have told it loudly and clearly here. I have used this forum to unburden my soul. The good, the bad, the ugly. Yep, I have chosen to put my thoughts out there in cyber space. Still, the idea of a potential employer, a business enemy or a nosy neighbor having access to my inter-most feelings does not warm the cockles of my heart. Yet when I weigh the odds and repercussion- I still choose to tell it the way it is here in this forum. It has been the best tool I've found that works for me in recovery. My recovery must come before what anyone else thinks of me.
Comments: MomentumWhen you've gone a little ways, keep going a little ways more. When you've made some progress, use that progress to make some more. Multiply the power of your actions with momentum. Once you get yourself going, follow through on the commitment and keep yourself going. Often, the most difficult part of a task is the act of getting started. The fewer times you have to go through that process of starting yourself back up, the more you can get accomplished. When you've enjoyed one success, that's the best time to start working on another success. Once you have momentum on your side, take full advantage of it. One of the biggest benefits of achievement is that it opens up the door for greater achievement. Even a small success is a big deal, because of where it can lead. Get yourself going and then keep yourself going. And from there, you can go anywhere. -- Ralph Marston
Last Day You Placed A Bet 08/09/08...grateful for living in today, as best I can Location MI Comments: Good Afternoon, Safe Harborites. Vicki here, another compulsive gambler, grateful for today's recovery journey. I have self-sabotaged again and again...today I will write a new script to follow, just for today. Fears, frustrations, and unmanageable emotions have fed my urges to gamble. TODAY, I take it all to God in prayer...this is me taking the responsibility for my recovery, yet relying on a power greater than myself to help me! It does work, when I work it, and engage myself, and today I am 'doing it!' Wishing all who come here serenity, courage, and wisdom. We are equals here, no one is any better equipped for handling today, than anyone else here...this is my commitment to my accepting myself as an 'equal adult,' no better than, nor no worst than another. Well, off to do the tasks before me. Sending well wishes to all. Vicki B, a slow-work-in-progress, as God is not finished with me yet.
Location Saskatchewan Comments: (((Brenda))) ... I like that list of co-dependant reminders. I fell into that co-dependant role as far back as I can remember. Always trying to be the "rescuer." I am sure that is why I ended up working in the health-care field and took in foster kids for so many years. Always wanting to look after/help others. It's kind of ironic that during my cg'ing, I never bothered looking after myself. Duh.... Today, I still like to be of help to others if I can, but my life doesn't depend on it. I know that ultimately, people have to help themselves before I can be any kind of help. That theory really applies to recovery. If someone isn't doing the things that THEY need to do to stay away from that next bet....what can I do to help them???? A fellow cg and dear friend of mine kept slipping and sliding and begged for help and suggestions. I suggested that he get rid of access to money and told him how that helped me early on in my recovery. I explained that if yah don't have the money....you can't gamble. He never did give up access and to this day he continues to gamble and whine about it. I am not saying that in a cold/calus way...it is the truth. I love this......"The LORD helps those who help themselves." Well off I go to get on with this day. Wishing (((ALL))) a gamble-free 24! bye now CJ |
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