OOps again

Happy 4th of July!!! I am usually out of town on this holiday but I am here and I am thankful to be gamble free for the past eleven months. I have been saving money like you could not believe. When you are in a Chapter 13 Bankruptcy you have no credit cards so that you can not accumulate debt. I have been putting back two dollars here, three dollars there, seven dollars over here and it is amazing how much you can accumulate in a year's time. I stopped buying drinks when I eat out. I drink only water. When I get home I put two dollars into an envelope. I have over $250 in that envelope. I am always trying to eat at home but I do like to eat out. I gave up gambling and I have giving up credit cards but I am not going to give up going out to eat so long as I have the money and the time to do it. I also am not going to give up traveling. I am not going anywhere this summer except to a Coaches Clinic in the State. However, I do plan on traveling this time next year if I can keep my finances in good order. I am already saving for that trip and it will be paid for long before I take it. My life without gambling is opening up a lot of opportunities. However, I still struggle from time to time with the temptation to go and play. It is worse in the summer months because I have more time off. However, I have stuck to my game plan and I just take things one day at a time. I wish I could get past this temptation but I am going to have to battle with that part of this disease. I am seeing progress and I have money in my pocket and that is nice. I hope that everyone has a fun, safe, and gamble free 4th of July!!!!!

we celebrate freedom from English rule, to me it's also a day to celebrate my freedom from compulsive gambling!!

My name is Dave of Beckenham I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE!

I am very grateful for the recovery program, it was handed down to us from AA and is spiritual based program, but never fully appreciated what spiritual meant, I thought that spiritual was all about religion.

For those who have lost faith in a god or do not have a religion recovery is based up one healthy spiritual interaction with all people, being more caring looking after or self, being respectful in being respectful towards our self we can be more respectful towards other people.

Another spiritual value is forgiving and by forgiving does not mean blanking feelings out it means processing pain in a spiritual way, often the hardest to forgive is our self.

Yet if we do not forgive our self we live in the pains of the past due to guilt shame resentments etc.

I do believe that all of us are not stupid we are neither evil but we are unhealthy spiritual people, how do we change that thinking and behavior we learn to stop reacting to pain fears and frustrations.

Every time I went and gambled not only was I giving up on myself but I had triggers and felt very vulnerable, in understanding why I felt that was if I faced those feelings I could interact instead of reacting.

I often went to gambling due to pain fear frustrations or boredom. Now I am working the steps I do not have the time to get bored, I have spread sheets for everything in my life, some might think is obsessive behavior yet in keeping such detailed items I always know how I stand.

By having lists I am able to cross things out one they are completed that gives me a sense of accomplishment and that I am a responsible person. Being responsible gives the feeling you are in charge of your life which is the opposite feeling of being in actions gambling.

When I gambled I went against all spiritual values I knew exactly what I was doing and that I was going against my once conscience but I could not help myself.

Today I can I know that if I do the work that not will my life change and improve I will also feel pride in myself instead of shame and guilt as I use to live.

Recovery is about commitment to myself each day. It is about putting myself first above everything in my life and not avoiding recovery but embracing recovery.

Gambling was always about taking the easy option, recovery is about taking charge of your life and taking the harder path each day.

When I say I will I mean I will not tomorrow not justifying cheating myself, every time I make excuses the only person I cheat is myself.

Often by justifying I am trying to avoid doing the healthy things in my life and the only person I cheat is myself.

Money gone words said pain is in the past what is done cannot be undone. In living in today only I have more to give, more energy more responsibility, some people may even think that another person or religion is what their recovery is all about.

Once you enter recovery it is about our commitment to do the work and no one can do it for us, yes if you have a sponsor you talks things out but once you act up on advice the consequences become our responsibility.

In time by our own actions we start to feel proud in our self. Feeling pride is a very healthy feeling, it is us taking responsibility and knowing due to our own actions we have accomplished something healthy.

People confuse the word ego with fear, why would we be so confused by so many words?

I did not understand the difference between fear and respect that was child hood programming.

I did not know the difference between love and obsession how could that be? Can a person love a car or love food?

I use to think that being humble was sign of weakness, being humble is sign of strength, the same with honesty the more honest we are the stronger we become.

People often use the words you have to, that in itself indicate the person is an obsessive person, yet for an inadequate insecure person by someone saying that to us makes us think they are trying to control us.

Recovery is a suggested program, it is our choice and will always be so, it is a conscious decision to say when I Gamble I lose, recovery is an all win program.

When you are clean those days having been lived they are never lost.

Recovery is for the winners, no matter how long since your last bet if you are in the rooms for yourself and no one else in time you will find  much healthier way of thinking feeling and living.

Once you hand over your finances the fuel is taken away from you, without the fuel of money you then learn to trust yourself once more.

Goal setting each day is very important part of my recovery, I do believe that is you feel bored you are not working the recovery program, but that is my opinion.

Since doing the walk in recovery I have changed how I feel about myself and my life, due to my honesty I have changed but more importantly my relationship with al people which has changed to how grateful I am of recovery.

I do not do meetings out of duty I go because I know I can be completely honest which is above the normal today and know that people will understand where I am coming from, but more importantly can see clearly the path I take in my life today.

Today I will means today I will no excuses any more I only cheat myself when I make excuses?

Love and peace to everyone Dave.

Just for today I WILL try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once.

Just for today I WILL be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: “most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Just for today I WILL adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust every thing to my own desires. I WILL take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.

Just for today I WILL strengthen my mind. I WILL study. I WILL learn some thing useful. I WILL not be a mental loafer. I WILL read some thing that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I WILL exercise my soul in three ways: I would do some body a good turn and not get found out: if any body knows of it, it will not count: I WILL do at least two things I do not want to do – just for exercise.

Just for today I WILL be agreeable. I WILL look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with any thing, and not try to improve or regulate any body but myself.

Just for today I WILL have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I WILL have it. I WILL save myself from two pests – hurry and indecision.

Just for today I WILL have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour some time, I WILL try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I WILL be unafraid. Especially I WILL not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Just for today I WILL not gamble.

Recovering, Not Recovered - We can learn many things from nature. In 1991, Mt. Pinatubo, a volcano in the Philippines, erupted with great violence after having been inactive for 600 years. The U.S. government felt secure that the volcano was extinct, and had invested billions of dollars in Navy and Air Force bases nearby. Just as there is no security with a volcano even after many years of silence, neither is there certainty about sobriety, even after many years of abstinence. An eruption can occur with great violence, after years of being dormant. This is why people in recovery speak of themselves as recovering rather than recovered. They are aware that relapse is always a possibility, and that they must do everything to prevent such an eruption.

I was driving through a town I use to play the VLT's, 9 hours from home on my way to work. Playing here , easy to keep a secret, relax and focus on the screen didn't have to look over my shoulder.Today in the pit of my stomach I had the urge to gamble I have not felt that in 4 months. I went through the town without stopping called my wife then my sponsor then my wife again. When I called my wife the second time I told her I had  the urge to gamble and I had called my sponsor,I thought she would be dissapointed, she congradulated me for not gambling and calling my sponsor. It still annoys me that the urge came over me, but I'm thankful for my sponsor and a wife who goes to Alanon / Gamanon they help keep me strong. wishing everyone a Gamble Free 24

Murray - nice to see you back posting again , where in Australia do you live? I holidayed from Sydney to Cairns a few years back (for 11 weeks) and managed to find time to visit a few GA Meetings. GA was strong from Sydney to Brisbane but petered out in Queensland. Apart from the friendly people I remember Geeko's on the walls in the GA room in Brisbane as well as in my B&B. Wow - Fraser Island that was an amazing experience!! Hopefully I can make it back one day but currently I am exploring Asia.