My name is Dave of Beckenham I am a compulsive Gambler and will be till the day I DIE!  But today I am able to be a far healthier person than just that?

I am nearer to Shirley being back in my life, I look forward to giving Shirley a big affectionate hug and showing her how much I love her.

My love For Shirley is unconditional and now am able to be closer and more trusting towards her than at any other time in my life.

No the home is not completed yet and jobs on the need to list have not been marked off yet?

I do not have the time to spend looking at other people because I stay focused on myself each and every day.

My reaction to life my need to want to escape was due to child hood issues like the beaten dog he had no choice but to behave in that way of living in fear.

In time that fear was faced and I am not willing to live being a victim of any one today. I am more so not willing to be victim of my own self abuse or self hatred.

When I was walked in to recovery I use to operate from the conscious mind it was always racing getting confused and was unable to stay focused on something unless it was from an all obsessive idea.

Where do you draw the line between staying focused in a healthy way to being obsessed by a certain way of thinking?

Often obsessive behavior is fear based and just another way of deviating from facing our own feelings, again it is very much fear based and often the only person I was afraid of facing was myself.

Today I understand my reaction from anger was due to 3 emotions pain fear or frustrations.

Now I am able to heal and nurture my own pains similar to the way we use to as children kiss and make up or talk things out.

My fears were far too many to list yet over time went back to places people and events and faced myself and my reaction to those fears.

Now frustration is us getting angry at things we have no control over, and in getting angry we only hurt our self, so how sad we get upset at other people issues.

Often we do not like what we see in others because we see a little of our self in those people. Both as we use to be and even some times as we see our self today.

So many people in the past would say that they would escape tot eh gambling but not admit it was fear based.

I use to fear my mother, ad yet sometimes I loved her it was a very mixed up situation for me to face, yet now I love my mother and know she did the best she could.

Sadly I would have a way of loving myself before I could love other people, me going gambling and giving my money away was just an indicator of how little and how much I thought of myself.

But how we feel about our self is subconscious thing, Brian Tracey would help me understand that by looking in the mirror and saying to myself I love myself would change how I felt about myself.

One of the counselors I saw wanted me to knock hell of a pillow with a tennis racket, I thought it funny at the time and instead of being angry I was laughing when I should have been focusing my anger on the pillow, next theory.

The more you get in to spiritual values and the more at peace you get life becomes so much clearer and to think at one time I wanted to be normal, well today what I see of normal I now know I need to raise the bar for me, because normal is not just not good enough for me today.

Patience tolerance and spiritual values are fading in our societies now and as crime increases it is just an indicator that people do not value or respect them self as they use to do.

Pride and spiritual are missing from all our societies people stay focused on money and material things and we lose the value of loving each other.

Today I do not want or need to gamble, yes I am most certainly less secure financially than at any other time in my life and unless things change I will likely be doing a part time job to supplement my income.

Yet I am not willing to let fear and worry take over my life and be obsessed about it if I do that then I would know it was just another obsession and I would not be facing myself each day.

Is worrying just another obsession and a way of us avoiding facing our true feelings. Did worrying ever resolve any of my life issues?

I went to my dentist yesterday and he informed me my tooth had a crack in it so likely it is only going to be a temporary thing, yet he did a good job.

My dentist is a real gentleman and the first time I met him I was completely honest about my feelings towards dentist well from that moment he took great effort in to making me comfortable and now I can often feel so comfortable I could go to sleep in his chair, that for me is very powerful again I only needed to face my fears.

Frustration is often due to my reaction to things I have no control over, yet today even when the unhealthiest person is in front of my face I do not allow that person to transfer their pains fear or frustrations on to me.

One thing you learn in recovery that pain caused up on me is my responsibility to heal and nurture my pains and heal any emotional issues I carry each day.

In being able to feel for myself I am able to have empathy for other people who are hurting. People do not my pity they may need me to be there when they are hurting and that is fine with me.

Doing telephone duty over a long period of time I found that most people are not able to talk or think things out for them self. Often most people know what they need to do but are not sure of them self.

It was four meeting last week and more than likely it will be four meetings this week that is what you call commitment to recovery.

I have been in a lot of pain this week and have been feeling drained like I am losing energy quickly,  I still tend to think that I am still a young pup and could do anything, sadly I am now over 62 years and the body has run of warranty period?

I use to keep thinking that I was a 36 inch chest now I accept that I am now a 47 inch chest but it took me decades to accept that I am not the person I use to be.

Recovery helps you get focused and makes you think in a much clearer calmer way yet most important part of recovery is that change how you feel about yourself and how you feel within yourself. That is very powerful.

On arriving in recovery I was down on the list of the most important things in my life, recovery has helped me to value myself and see the good in me today; I do not deserve to be my own worst enemy today.

It took time to learn to be gentle and kind to myself, even longer to protect myself, protecting your self is very important, even though I was not protected as child because I am maturing now I am able to protect myself in so many ways and also able to speak up and talk for myself.

I use to escape being accountable to paper for most of my life, now writing and therapies are an everyday thing which is not a resentful duty but a privilege today.

Being accountable is a very healthy mature act of my part.

Love and peace to everyone Dave.

Just for today I WILL try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. (Not allow fear stress panic anxiety and fear based issues to cause doubt in myself or my actions.)

Just for today I WILL be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: “most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  (No one controls my happiness today. Happiness is for me being content within myself in who and what I am today an how I conduct my life)

Just for today I WILL adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust every thing to my own desires. I WILL take each day as it comes and fit myself to it. (Living for today only, not allowing things I have no control over to affect my healthy being, not let anxiety and stress of tomorrow to cause me to live in fear of doing recovery today)

Just for today I WILL strengthen my mind. I WILL study. I WILL learn some thing useful. I WILL not be a mental loafer. I WILL read some thing that requires effort, thought and concentration. (I will strengthen my character and I will strengthen my conscience practicing spiritual actions; recovery is about healthy progress which builds self confidence in our actions and stay focused on healthy spiritual growth and progressive actions today)

Just for today I WILL exercise my soul in three ways: I would do some body a good turn and not get found out: if any body knows of it, it will not count: I WILL do at least two things I do not want to do – just for exercise. (A good turn is giving of myself, the action is spiritual based, doing 2 things I do not want to do is often things I know I need to do but are reluctant to do)

Just for today I WILL be agreeable. I WILL look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with any thing, and not try to improve or regulate any body but myself. (Understand that I do not control anyone else but myself and my actions, accepting the serenity prayer fully in to my life and my actions)

Just for today I WILL have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I WILL have it. I WILL save myself from two pests – hurry and indecision. (Stay focused on healthy actions and my things to do list, and not rush recovery but enjoy it, I will think things out clearly, but more importantly in doing things slower I become more considerate patient and tolerant of other people and of myself)

Just for today I WILL have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour some time, I WILL try to get a better perspective of my life. (Time to reflect and get clarity and focused on the healthiest path and actions I need and want in my life each day)

Just for today I WILL be unafraid. Especially I WILL not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me. (In being free of fears will make me more honest, improve relationships, and set my inner child free)

Just for today I WILL not gamble. (It is the beginning of a more spiritual life and gaining a healthier way of living)

Hello Safe Harbor folks

Positively frustrated

When you feel the need to feel frustration, go ahead and be fully frustrated. Then, be done with it and get on with making positive progress.

Though frustration can feel awful, it is not entirely a bad thing. Because frustration shines a light on your positive passions.

The only people who are never frustrated are people who never attempt anything. When you're committed to creating real value, there is going to be some frustration along the way.

So go ahead and feel that frustration when it comes. Allow it, accept it and welcome it.

When you do, something interesting happens. As soon as you stop fighting it, as soon as you understand what your frustration is telling you, it goes away.

Peacefully let your frustration run its course, and listen carefully as it does. What you're left with is a renewed sense of purpose and passion to move forward.

-- Ralph Marston

Hello everyone. I am a cg. Sometimes we not only have to fight the denial in our hearts but the denial bombarded from without. I believe sports betting is legal in one state and online gambling has not been legal anywhere in the U.S. but we are aren't like crack addicts who comit illegal acts. Bobby Knight was quoted as saying having college basketball lines in the newspaper is like giving the numbers of prostitutes. The truth is an enemy to gambling in so many ways. God please help me remove my own blinders - those are the ones that are lethal. Goodnight (((Everyone))).